SCOTUS and Mercury Retrograde: Why the Supreme Court Should Have Waited Until July 1 to Make These Big Decisions

The White House/Getty Images News/Getty Images

What part of “avoid signing contracts" during Mercury Retrograde did the Supreme Court not understand? SCOTUS’ decision in favor of Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood came on June 30th, the very last day of Mercury Retrograde. Famously, Mercury Retrograde is a time to focus on “re” words: rethink, review, reconnect, reconsider, realign. It’s a time for planning, assessing, and turning inwards. You know what’s really different from that? Making a major Supreme Court decision that could affect the lives of hundreds of thousands of women all over America! Come on, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, we thought we could count on you to do everyone's charts and keep your colleagues up to date on the whereabouts of the planets.

When Mercury goes direct after a retrograde cycle, we have a tendency to look back on major decisions over the past few weeks with shock and horror. Astrologer Luke Dani Blue says that Mercury Retrograde is "similar to operating on too little sleep;" you're liable to miss some of the finer details. No biggie, unless the smaller details are things like which contraceptives that millions of women use to prevent pregnancy are deemed "abortifacients" by religious business owners. Forgive me for being a humorless hippie feminist, but that seems like something that we should give our undivided, 100 percent focused attention.

Infographics Zone

None of the sitting justices is a Gemini or Virgo, so they are lucky in that regard. Their signs aren't among the most affected by Mercury. Regardless, they have a responsibility to us to do everything in their power to uphold the constitution. I'm no SCOTUS justice, but I know that when I'm a bit sleepy I'm in no position to decide what I want for lunch, let alone make decisions with massive political implications. You know what I'm saying, right Alito?!

And you know what else? BUFFER ZONES. In the morning light of Mercury-gone-direct, does that one really seem like a good idea? No, of course it doesn't, but you were too busy deciding the fate of our nation's women to scrapbook or read or reorganize your room like the rest of us know to do during Mercury Retrograde.

Tonight I'm going to go to bed and dream that every Supreme Court Justice is Sonia Sotomayor. Just a bunch of Sonias, spitting wisdom like this:

Sesame Street on YouTube