Obama Turns Down Colorado Toke: 19 Things I'd Ask President Obama If We Were Stoned

For those of you who missed the most important news maybe ever, President Obama was offered marijuana in Colorado. I repeat, President Obama was offered a doobie in Colorado.

"Do you want to hit this?" a very brave man not at all trying to seduce the president asked at a bar in Denver Tuesday night. (Because it's legal there now, apparently he can smoke inside?) Obama laughed, but shockingly, did not choose to boost his low approval rating right then and there.

Cue media giggles — mine included, because, let's be honest — the image of Obama getting high with us? Pretty much a stoner dream come true.

In fact, it got me thinking, if I did just so happen to find myself puffing and passing with POTUS, what would we talk about? Weed is famous for being a truth serum, so assuming I only had about two hours before his buzz wore off/Michelle put him to bed what would I ask our fearlessly-stoned leader?

No, random Colorado stoner dude, Obama would not like to get high with you. With me, on the other hand? Well, my rich fantasy life says he's game, so here's what I'd ask.

Inquiring minds want to know, Mr. President...

How do you and michelle keep it fresh?

I mean, how do you guys find the time? Do you find the time? I have so many inappropriate questions!

Do you have any reoccurring nightmares?

The shutdown never ending? That time you bombed the debate with Mitt? Showing up to the State of the Union naked?

how do you feel about the fact that your parents didn't live to see you be president?

Not to be a buzzkill, but let's have a heart-to-heart. For real man, it is so sad.

What do you feel most guilty about?

That should maybe be one of them, but how about, oh, I dunno ... Guantanamo?

Do you really watch Game of Thrones?

Why would that be what you do with your one hour of spare time per week? What about Orange is the New Black ? I feel like that's more on-brand for you anyway.

What do you miss most about your old life (besides everyone not watching your every move)?

Sleeping in till noon? Wandering aimlessly through Target? Parallel parking?

What's your biggest fear?

Is it watching that SNL skit on repeat? Because that's mine.

How do you get enough sleep? Are you really just tired all the time?

Ambien? Tell me your secret!

What other drugs did you do back in the day? What was your craziest trip like?

what was the moment when you most wanted to tell the truth but couldn't?

What do you and Michelle fight about the most?

I bet it's enacting comprehensive reform of our prison-industrial complex and remembering to put the toilet seat down.

Are you going to endorse Hillary or Joe?

Oh my god, it's going to be Joe, isn't it? Harsh.

do you have any body image issues?

who do you have a random crush on?

Win McNamee/Getty Images News/Getty Images

I mean, not to start rumors, but...

Fuck, Marry, Kill: Ted Cruz, John Boehner, Sarah Palin

What was your first time like?

Say no more. No, actually, say so much more.

Would you rather: never have been president or never have had Sasha and Malia?

They aren't supposed to be easy!

were you ever actually against gay marriage?

Admit it, that was just a campaign ploy. You didn't care, you made a political calculation.

did they feed you any lines on 'between two ferns,' or was that all you?

(A few things I remembered while compiling this list: 1) Way too may Obama GIFs are really racist. 2) I might be too curious about Obama's sex life.)