Piper & Alex Are In For a Wild Ride

Bullet dodged. Now that the rumors that Netflix had canceled Orange Is The New Black have been proven false, we can re-focus ourselves on what's really important: Obsessing over Season 3 and what's next for doomed lovers Piper Chapman and Alex Vause.

OITNB was nominated for an impressive 12 Emmys and the cast is already busy shooting its next season, as fans wait with bated breath for any set reports or casting teases that might emerge. One aspect of OITNB's future that has many fans wondering is how involved Laura Prepon, who plays Piper's on-again-off-again girlfriend Alex Vause, will be in the new season. The raven-haired temptress was conspicuously absent from most of Season 2, glimpsed only in a few episodes involving her (short-lived) release from Litchfield.

Thankfully, we now know that Prepon won't just be back next season... she's been promoted back to full-fledged series regular. That's right — Alex will be in every single episode of Season 3, so get ready for lots and lots of "lesbian requests" to be denied. But while one mystery is solved, yet another is still up in the air: what's next for the couple? Afraid for her life after testifying against a dangerous drug lord, Alex told Piper she bought a gun, which violated the terms of her parole. Then Alex's parole officer showed up, clued in to the transgression by Piper herself. It's unclear whether Piper was motivated by revenge against the woman who landed her in jail in the first place; by a selfish desire to have her lover back; or by a need to ensure Alex's safety from Kubra, even if it meant being behind bars.

Obviously Alex will eventually find out that Piper is responsible for her re-incarceration — it's too juicy of a revelation not to exploit for its inevitable drama. The only question that remains is, how will Alex react to the news?

Piper and Alex reconcile, rule Litchfield

So what if Piper ratted Alex out to her parole officer? That doesn't mean they can't still be friends, right? Even if or when Alex finds out the truth, it doesn't necessarily mean their relationship has to be ruined. In fact, it might make it stronger than ever. Alex is fully aware that she's the whole reason Piper is in prison, and she might consider that Piper's betrayal finally evens the score. Perhaps the two will reach a new understanding and fully embrace their mutual amorality, leading to their meteoric rise to become the ruthless and iron-fisted overlords of Litchfield Penitentiary.

Alex swears a vendetta against Piper

Then again, it definitely seems like Alex would react with anger rather than understanding to the news that her ex tattled on her. And who could blame her? Piper deliberately got her arrested, which is a bit different than naming someone in a testimony while under oath in a court of law. Piper's actions could permanently destroy any sort of relationship between her and her ex-girlfriend, and Season 3 might focus on the all-out war that ensues between them, with all the inmates having to choose sides between Vause and that Taylor Swift ass motherfucker.

Alex and Piper get married

It's also entirely possible that Alex will be so turned on by this new vindictive Piper that she falls even farther in love with the blonde wasp. After all, it's no secret that Alex is perhaps just a bit of a sociopath. Edgy Piper could be even more of a turn-on for the bespectacled drug dealer. And you know what OITNB hasn't had yet? A prison wedding. This plot would be worth it simply for Morello's seething jealousy alone.

Piper dumps Alex, gets back together with Larry

Sadly, even if this doesn't happen during Season 3, it certainly seems like the inevitable outcome by the time Orange Is The New Black closes up shop for good (whenever in the very very very distant future that happens). After all, you have to consider the source material. Sure, OITNB is more inspired by Piper Kerman's 2010 memoir of the same name than it is based on it, so it doesn't have to follow the events of the real Piper's life to the letter. We all know there have already been some pretty major differences between the lives of P. Chapman and P. Kerman.

But to change who Piper ends up with would perhaps be too big of a departure. The real-life Piper is currently married to writer Larry Smith, which is a pretty big spoiler for the show — as well as a pretty big disappointment for all you anti-Larry peeps out there.

Still, you have to admit that it doesn't seem likely that Piper and Alex will work out in the long haul. Their relationship, while exciting, isn't exactly the most healthy or stable. So even if Alex doesn't declare all-out war on Piper, and even if Piper doesn't end up marrying Larry, don't count on this dysfunctional couple skipping off into the sunset together.

Alex time-travels to the '70s, dyes her hair red, & changes her name to Donna

Hey, it could happen.

Images: Netflix (5); FOX