5 Seconds of Summer Pretend to Work at Target in Desperate Attempt to Sell CDs — VIDEO

The boys of 5 Seconds of Summer have apparently taken the marketing their new self-titled album into their own hands. A video posted to the group’s YouTube page shows 5 Seconds of Summer borrowing some Target uniforms in hopes of reaching out to that much-coveted market of middle-aged men. 50-year-old men just really need to get in on the boy band action, you guys! In the video, the boys do a host of silly things in an attempt to move some CDs and have some Punk'd style fun. They knock some stuff over, sing select lyrics off-key, and blatantly point customers in the wrong direction. (Take away: if you need a microwave in a hurry, 5 Seconds of Summer will be very little help to you.)

I get it. It’s tough to be a boy band these days. Not only are you competing against — and attempting to differentiate yourself from — the big “Ones” (One Direction and One Republic), but you’ll always have the shadow of great boy bands past looming over you. How can you be expected to compete with frosted-tips era Justin Timberlake?

Although I certainly appreciate their entrepreneurial zeal, I worry that 5 Seconds of Summer is leaving too much of the market untapped. In that spirit, I’d like to make some suggestions about reaching out to some other demographics.

But first, a quick look at the video to give our critique some context:

5 Seconds of Summer on YouTube

First off, it looks like 5 Seconds of Summer does try to expand their market beyond the originially intended "middle-aged men," but perhaps these tips will help them refine their approach.

Middle-aged Women: Why stop at half the middle-aged market? Middle-aged women have money too, and they’d probably give it to you if you took the right approach. The good news here is that you guys seem to have “smile in a charming and confident manner” down pat.

Giphy

See? Very nice.

But to ensure you’re really reaching this market, it can’t hurt to add a couple singles like “Yes, Ma’am,” “But How Was Your Day?” and “That Can’t Be Your Daughter (Are You Sure She’s Not Your Sister?).”

Elderly Women: If hanging out with my gram-grams has taught me anything, it’s that presentation matters with the older set. Tucking in your shirt and combing your hair will go a long way toward gaining credibility in this market. Including complimentary hard candy with every purchase can’t hurt either.

Elderly Men: Avoid door-to-door marketing with this group. Remember the golden rule: stay off their lawns.

Cats: Let’s face it, in today’s fast-paced world of marketing, if you’re limiting your campaign to just one species, you’re already losing. To tap into the growing cat market, I suggest they begin by acting completely normal (purring, licking their paws, eating food and subsequently throwing it up) before catching a glimpse of themselves in the CD’s reflection. Then, immediately freak out, hiss, and start running around the room at top speed (making weird gurgling sounds as needed). My cat really seems to connect with this.

Of course 5 Seconds of Summer doesn't have to sweat marketing too much. Their album, which debuted yesterday, is currently no. 2 on iTunes and their singles "She Looks So Perfect" and "Amnesia" have gotten plenty of play on the radio recently. So even if their marketing careers don't pan out, it looks they'll be just fine.

Images: Giphy