Blake Lively’s Website Is Fine But Miley Cyrus Would Do It Better
Since the moment Blake Lively announced that she'd be starting her own lifestyle website, Preserve, the world collectively cringed. Once the barrage of intense, Goop-related PTSD flashbacks finally ended, critics steeled themselves for yet another round of mocking the latest pretentious celebrity venture. Would her site try to peddle the same $400 cotton t-shirts and strictly no carb (aka NO FUN) lifestyle that Gwynnie's did? Close. Instead, Lively's website suggests buying $55 wooden cutting boards shaped like the state of California, $162 fedoras, and a skirt that only comes in size supermodel XS. It would be hard not to make fun.
The actress, who truly epitomizes the hashtag "#blessed," doesn't dictate a life so nearly as outlandishly expensive and worthy of eye rolls as Goop did. There's a section of her site solely dedicated to charity, particularly The Covenant House, which helps the homeless and abused youth. Nice touch, Blake. However, sites like these are never not going to be snooty thanks to $110 butcher aprons and $450 crystal bowls.
What if, instead of a condescending site from a celeb who clearly thinks of themselves as Martha Stewart, Elizabeth Taylor, and God all rolled up into one, the world got a glimpse of what someone a little less polished thinks all of our lifestyles should be?
Site name: ChicRehab
Mission Statement: When in doubt, have another.
Featured products: Sign in the shape of an L made entirely of bottle caps, t-shirt with "alcohol isn't the answer; it just makes you forget the question" spray painted on the front, and a personalized guide to all of her favorite rooms in the Chateau Marmont.
Site Name: Bedhead
Mission Statement: If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.
Featured Products: A pre-worn beanie, to achieve that perfect "greasy, edgy comedian" look, a Namaste poster, and a leather bound copy of the Kama Sutra.
Site Name: TwerkTeam
Mission Statement: #BANGERZ #FLOYD #GLITTER
Featured Products: A giant teddybear backpack, a $900 high-cut leotard with the words "Mary Jane" printed all over it, and a 10-by-10 foot mural of Dolly Parton.
Site Name: BarbadosBarbie
Mission Statement: Phuck all y'all haterz
Featured Products: A clear plastic crop top with a giant middle finger embroidered on the back, a Swarovski crystal head wrap, and a jean thong.
Site Name: Marshall
Mission Statement: This IS the real Slim Shady
Featured Products: A punching bag, a box of white tank tops, and a bag of M&Ms with his face on them.