'Sharknado 2': Return of The Amazingly Awful Quotes From Ian Zeiring, Tara Reid, & Co.

You'd think one Sharknado would be enough, but I can assure you, it's not. We absolutely needed a second spinning shark movie and Sharknado 2: The Second One is everything I ever dreamed of. It's got ill-fated celebrity cameos, Tara Reid (April) with a saw-hand, Ian Zeiring (Fin) giving really dramatic speeches with a shark-tooth necklace. But the absolute best thing about the second foray into non-science-based encounters with flying sharks, it's got to the be the totally nonsense quotes. And lucky for you, I jotted down all the best ones.

Image: Eric Liebowitz/Syfy

As Sharks in Tornados Approach the City...

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“It’s going to be weather like you’ve never seen before!” Thanks, Al Roker, for delivering on that promise.

While Standing on a News Van Holding a Chainsaw...

“They’re sharks. They’re scary. And you don’t want to die.” Oh! So that’s why you’re saving New York! Because you understand sharks are scary. Good thinking, Fin.

Image: Eric Liebowitz/Syfy

After Fin Literally Jumps on Sharks To Survive a Flood...

“You jumped the shark,” says Mark McGrath. Good one, you walking swath of frosted tips.

Image: Eric Liebowitz/Syfy

After April's Hand Is Bitten Off By a Shark...

“Next time you offer to lend a hand, don’t be so literal about it,” says Fin. Funny. You totally didn’t showboat all over that plane situation.

Image: Eric Liebowitz/Syfy

After Killing a Shark That's Eating Subway Trains & Completely Destroying It...

“I hate the subway.” Oh, you just had to. Didn’t you?

Image: Eric Liebowitz/Syfy

As He Gives a Rousing "All New Yorkers Are Awesome" Speech...

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“Sharknados are tougher in New York,” says an older guy who seems to be the mayor, but somehow knows Fin personally. He has to be the mayor, right? Who else just carries around chainsaws to hand to shark-killing vigilantes?