Why Is Everyone Obsessed With the Kim Kardashian iPhone Game? Uh, Neat Question, N00B

Thursday morning, one of my best friends informed me that Kim Kardashian: Hollywood finally made its way onto her phone. (Quick clarification: She downloaded it. It didn't, like, magically appear.) She’d resisted the wildly popular iPhone game up until this point not because she has something against the Kardashian family (she shares my love for all things Kardashian), but because she knew once she popped, the fun would not stop.

She texted me as she played. She asked questions. She sent me progress updates.

As anticipated, she was hooked immediately. She only quit when the game shut down on her. She said it was “for the best.”

I understood exactly where she was coming from.

What is it about this game? Why does it have such a hold on me, my BFF, and so many others? Um, BECAUSE IT'S SO GOOD, DUH.

Ack, I shouldn't speak for anyone but myself. Here's my answer: IT'S SO GOOD AND I JUST LIKE IT, OKAY?

Hm. That answer doesn't feel sufficient. Please allow me to attempt to pinpoint exactly why I'm a freakazoid about KK:H.

It’s relaxing

Aside from the small waves panic that come with attempting to procure enough lightning bolts to complete all of the tasks at hand before a TV commercial shoot ends, it is not a stressful game. The simplicity is soothing. The pace is easy-breezy.

You let the lightning bolts and K stars wash over you.

You enter a KardashiZen-like state.

You are one with the game.

The Compliments

Whether it's a random character you meet outside of Brew Palms praising your last magazine cover or your manager telling you the director of the movie you just made thought you were terrific, the game loves to build you, er, your avatar up.

I'm not fueled by compliments, but I'm never mad at a respectful compliment.

Sure, some characters can be jackholes, but others (aka the ones that matter) throw compliments at your avatar like Emeril LaGasse throws seasoning at a saucepan.


Pinch me.

The False Sense of Productivity

The charity drives! The photo shoots! The shopping! The meetings! The money popping out of shrubs!

Without ever getting up off of my sofa, I akomplish so much. Feels great.

And The Illusion of Face-To-Face Interaction

Whether it's to a character in the game or an IRL friend's avatar, I'm never not talking to someone. Once again, feels great.

Kim K. is Your Best Friend

Hi, that's my IRL dream.

Every time the Kim K. character speaks to my avatar, I unmute the phone and bask in the majesty of her KK:H voice.

Pinch me.

It's Funny

I will never delete this screenshot from my phone:

And I will never stop laughing at the shit that comes out of the randos' mouths.

It’s colorful

And I like colors.

It's so good and I Just Like It, Okay?

Ugh, can't that answer be enough?

To turn this around: Why wouldn't someone be obsessed with this game? Now THAT'S a tough question.

Images: Kim Kardashian: Hollywood (3); lovelydlight/tumblr