Your Shark Week 2014 Schedule of What's To Come, So You're Not Dead In The Water
Have you been waking up with the Jaws theme in your head every morning for the past two weeks? Discovery Channel's annual frenzy-inducing event Shark Week began on Aug. 10 and you're probably already overwhelmed and asking yourself, "How can I possibly choose which show to tune into?" I mean, the shark shows in the line-up have some insanely awesome names, it's a really tough decision. Well, luckily for you, I've done the hard work for you. Get ready to kick back and give yourself a shark-themed manicure because we've got your carefully curated Shark Week schedule right here.
Each night, Shark Week 2014's programming kicks off at 8 p.m. with an #ExtraSharky rerun of a show from the night before. Which is pretty great if you missed the main event from the night before or if you were anti-one of the more ridiculous shark shows (cough Zombie Sharks) and are feeling major FOMO about missing it and having nothing to talk to your coworkers about. Better late to the party than never showing up, right? And I know you're trying to see a ghost shark — don't try to deny it.
So, which Shark Week 2014 shows are going to give you the best, most-sharky, experience each night — here's your guide:
Tuesday, Aug. 12
If You're Into Crazy: 8 p.m. — Monster Hammerhead (Rerun)
It's a rerun, you know you want to know about this 20-foot Hammerhead that's been allegedly terrorizing the coast of Florida. PLL can wait, seriously.
If You're Into Awesome Science: 9 p.m. — Alien Sharks: Return to the Abyss
Bioluminescent sharks? I'm sold and you should be too.
If You're Into Myths: 10 p.m. — Lair of the Mega Shark
I mean, are you one of those people that believe that sharks only feed at dusk? Also, any show that features a Great White is quintessential Shark Week required viewing. It'll be out there, but it'll be worth it.
Wednesday, Aug. 13
If You're Into Babies: 10 p.m. — Spawn of Jaws 2: The Birthing
Did you already know where Great Whites go to give birth? Probably not. #EducateYourself. Also, baby sharks (aw).
Thursday, Aug. 14
If You "Go Catatonic": 8 p.m. — Zombie Sharks (Rerun)
This might be the most educational program this week. Zombie Sharks will investigate the species "tonic immobility" and whether or not it's used as a defensive mechanism. Essentially, a shark's version of the Dead Man's Float.
If You're Into Science: 10 p.m. — Sharkaggedon
Is this the name of the next Sharknado movie? Unlike the other shark-attack show on on Aug. 14, Sharkageddon will feature a legendary surfer researching what's causing an increased number of shark attacks in Hawaii. The name sounds absurd, but this is essentially Shark Week's education night.
Friday, Aug. 15
It's Megalodon Night, for better or worse.
If You Like Complaining: 8 p.m. — Megalodon: The Extended Cut
If you feel like you've got a solid grasp on what Shark Week taught us about this massive, oceanic beast last year, feel free to skip it. But, I mean, it is the extended cut — don't you want to know more so you have more to complain about? Just saying.
If You're Already Drunk: 9 p.m. — Megalodon: The New Evidence
They're still trying to prove that this nightmare-inducing monster is real — you'll probably be back from happy hour at this point, so it can't hurt to watch.
Saturday, Aug. 16
If You're An Adrenaline Junkie: 9 p.m. — Great White Matrix
Paul de Gelder, shark attack survivor, and Andy Casagrande, shark expert, attempt to get a Great White bite on camera. #AdrenalineRush
If You're The Ultimate Shark Week Super-Fan: 10 p.m. — Sharksanity
Go out on a high note with this show that will feature the craziest of the crazy Shark Week "bites, strikes, and close calls" and your picks for the Top 5 craziest Shark Week moments ever. Basically, it's the Shark Week send-off that any super-fan will want to tune into.
Happy Shark Week, people! Enjoy responsibly.