What your Favorite Denim Wash Says About You; Your Guide to the Jean Zodiac

People can be very particular about their jeans. When I say people, I am including myself in this category. Along with the fit and the wear of the perfect pair of jeans, the shade and wash need to be just right. Just as your favorite color can reveal the inner workings of your psyche and your soul to the world, there is plenty that your favorite denim wash says about you. I'll go so far at the moment to say that the denim zodiac should be a thing. 

I’m sure we’ve all sampled plenty of different flavors of denim over the course of our lives. Still, one finds themselves constantly returning to that charmed pair in the closet with the perfect shade. Why? Because they're just hands-down the best pants ever. Some folks are  blue jean babies who take their denim sans-whiskers, bleaching, or adulteration. Others like their jeans like they like their coffee, black. Lighter denim tends to be favored by people who are a bit more "classic American" than cutting-edge. Then there are the trend-monkeys and raver kids who can't get enough acid wash. Don't even get me started about the over-bleached butt.  

As an expert clothing profiler, I’ve collected a few examples of what your favorite wash of denim communicates about you. Just call me the blue-jean psychic. 

Classic Indigo

No muss, no fuss. You're the kind of gal who can wear anything and look endlessly polished. More than likely, you're the resident pragmatic friend in your band of buddies. You know, the one that always steps up to itemize and calculate what everyone owes on the check. A go-getter like you favors a classic jean that doesn't sacrifice practicality for style.

Bright Blue

If "bright blue jeans" were a star sign, it would be Pisces. Folks who love bright jeans are intuitive and sensitive, but aren't shy about revealing their inner child. You love having fun and indulging. It's possible that you chose this wash to try to avoid grease stains, only to realize that your line of reasoning wasn't ironclad.

Stone Wash Blues

A fan of all things stylish, the stone wash blue jean fan curates their living space to resemble the Anthropologie catalog home section. They're creatively visual thinkers who always show up to an engagement looking cooler than you. But don't envy them. It takes a lot of thought and talent to look stylishly distressed.  

Stone Wash Light Denim

Those who love stone wash denim fantasize about spending their lives on Martha's Vineyard. OK, that's a pretty popular fantasy that transcends many taste barriers, but you get what I mean. This style of jean is for the classic sophisticate who naturally has the temperamental ease and carefree air of American royalty.

Acid Wash

If you have a drawer full of acid wash jeans, you're either a teen who follows trends like crazy or someone who parties pretty much all the time. Maybe, as someone of the latter persuasion, you started wearing these as an ironic statement. However, you're wearing them so often that you've crossed the line into sincerely enjoying acid wash jeans. Now you must live with yourself. 

Black

Black jean-lovers generally favor black things. Not in the emo sense, but more in the Rick Owens one. Plus, as the wise Quinn Morgendorffer once said: "Black is deep, it's meaningful, and it's slenderizing." She unfortunately left out: "impervious to grease stains." 

White

You live for summer activities. Following years of training, you're a zen master of preventing ice cream from falling on your jeans. On occasion, people dubiously eye your post-Labor Day white jeans with a grimace and squawk "You're wearing white after Labor Day?" To them, you say . . . "You're wearing, uh, YOUR FACE AFTER LABOR DAY??" Drop the mic. White jeans, out. 

Image: Carly Taylor/ Flickr; Madewell (6); ASOS

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