I’ve always preferred nighttime to daytime. Maybe it’s my dark soul, or this bizarre feeling that I’ll miss out on something if I go to bed early. Like, what if my ex texts around 4 a.m. to tell me he’s sorry, and I miss it? You know, important stuff like that.
I also work better at night. Trying to function between 9 a.m. and noon is a struggle, but give me an assignment that I can do between midnight and 2 a.m., and I bust that baby out in no time at all. It’s both a gift and a curse — and when 9 a.m. rolls back around, I realize just how much of burden being a night owl can be. (That’s why I’m sitting here with my second double espresso as I write this, and it certainly won’t be my last of the day.)
To a morning person, we might seem strange, but I assure you, being a night person is like an exclusive club. If you're a fellow night owl, you know what I'm talking about. There’s some things those morning people just don’t understand. Here's what it's like.
AS A KID, YOU COULDN’T WRAP YOUR BRAIN AROUND WHY BEDTIME WAS SO EARLY
SO YOU’D GO TO BED AND LAY THERE FOR HOURS...
Insomnia came early for you.
...just DREAMING OF THE DAY WHEN YOU COULD GO TO BED AS LATE AS YOU WANTED
Which would be the glorious time of midnight or later, of course
but INEVITABLY, YOU’D have to get up IN TIME FOR SCHOOL anyway
bY MIDDLE SCHOOL, YOU'd MASTERED THE ART OF READING UNDER THE
COVERS WITH A MINI FLASHLIGHT
Because your reading comprehension skills really flourished after the sun went down.
BUT MASTERING THE ART OF GETTING UP AT 7? Not so much
YOU REALIZED early that THE BEST DAYS OF THE WEEK aRE SATURDAY AND
Not just because there was no school, but because you could
stay up all night and sleep in until 3 p.m., if you wanted to.
YOU COULDN’T WAIT TO GET TO COLLEGE SO ALL YOUR CLASSES COULD BE AFTER NOON
and once you got there, YOU LEARNED THAT PULLING AN ALL-NIGHTER WAS actually WHEN YOU
DID YOUR BEST WORK
It’s like information just seeped into your brain and stayed there better at 3 a.m.
because FOR YOU, THERE'S NO BETTER CLARITY IN THE WORLD THAN THE ONE THAT COMES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
BY THE TIME YOU TURNED 21, YOU WERE THE LAST ONE AT
SOCIAL SKILLS ARE even BETTER AFTER MIDNIGHT
AND YOUR JOKES ARE WAY FUNNIER, TOO. right?
YOU SERIOUSLY CONSIDERED CHANGING YOUR MAJOR TO SOMETHING THAT
Would ALLOW FOR A NIGHTTIME JOB
If you have to be in an office by 9 a.m. every morning, it will
just be a matter of time before you’re fired.
BUT NIGHTTIME JOBS ARE FEW AND FAR BETWEEN
Which means the real world is going to be a real bitch.
so AFTER GRADUATION, YOU LIKELY MOVED TO A CITY WHERE THE PEOPLE STAY UP ALL NIGHT
Ideally, Berlin would work, but who wants to deal with
you know, a place where YOU can SOAK IN THE NIGHTLIFE
Although you never find that nighttime job.
but turns out MOST JOBS STILL NEED YOU TO WAKE UP
so these days, YOU CONSISTENTLY LIVE IN FEAR OF SLEEPING THROUGH YOUR ALARM
AND HAVE AN ENITRE LIST OF EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU’RE LATE FOR
But you know your boss isn’t buying it.
YOU TRY TO GO TO BED EARLIER, BUT IT’S LIKE BEING 8 YEARS OLD ALL OVER AGAIN
Just lying there thinking and thinking and thinking.
when you go on vacation, you fall into your usual pattern of staying up all night and sleeping all day...
...Which makes learning to get up in time for work again hell on earth
still, YOU STRONGLY FEEL THAT GETTING UP BEFORE 11 A.M. IS somehow UNDIGNIFIED
and that MORNINGS WITHOUT COFFEE ARE LIKE nights WITHOUT darkness
YOU’RE FOREVER SUSPICIOUS OF THE MORNING PEOPLE IN YOUR
OFFICE WHO ARE CONSISTENTLY HAPPY AT 10 A.M.
They are just not your people. You do not like people who
are not your people.
LIKE, IS THIS MORNING PERSON THING FOR REAL OR JUST FOR SHOW?
Let's be honest: It's hard to trust someone who smiles that early in the morning
Not to mention how bad they make you look in contrast.
YOU KNOW YOU’RE CONSIDERED THE CRANKY ONE IN THE OFFICE BECAUSE OF YOUR MORNING SCOWL
BUT at least YOU’RE THE MOST FUN AT
You know, the happy hour that goes until dawn and beyond in
not to mention, YOU HAVE MORE SEX THAN MORNING PEOPLE
Seriously. It's science. We may have less long-term relationships than those morning folk, but when it comes to sex, night people score more.
AND YOU'RE MORE CREATIVE
Studies have found that night people tend to be artists and creative types, while morning people tend to be accountants and lawyer types. But you already knew that.
NOT TO MENTION, MORE INTELLIGENT, TOO
Who's the smartest one in the room? You are!
BUT honestly, YOU DON’T REALLY CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF YOUR MORNING
BECAUSE in the end, THE NIGHTTIME IS YOUR BEST FRIEND
AND YOU just DON’T QUIT YOUR BEST FRIEND
Even if our capitalist system is conspiring against you.