Kylie Jenner has found her life's purpose: to serenade the world with pop-tart hooks about girls from California wearing jorts. That's right, world... Kylie Jenner wants to be a pop star now, specifically "the next Katy Perry." Because nothing is more aspirational than appropriating "otherness" and shooting whipped cream out of your boobs. Aim high, Kylizzle.
Our favorite wizened old teller-of-tales "a source" reveals to Radar Online that Jenner has taken her first steps to a career in music. "Kylie is now working on her first single! She is telling everyone that she knows she is going to be the next Katy Perry.” Reportedly, Jenner has enlisted the help of voice coach and celebrity song-writer Tim Carter (who produced Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair') to jump-start her music career. This is the world we live in, folks.
Allegedly, Kylie was spurred into this professional endeavor by the fact that she feels she can't compete with Kendall's modeling chops. But while the fashion world has reached its Kardashian Kuota, the music world is free for Kardashian imperialism! Obvioiusly, Kim's 2010 single "Jam (Turn it Up)" didn't fulfill the world's appetite for auto-tuned whines. Even if that song was for charity, it did nothing charitable to our ears. So let's take a trip down memory lane and recollect what Kylie Jenner can learn from Kim's fortnight as a songstress of mecha-voiced party jams.
Give your first music video a stronger concept than "Crawling Towards a Fan"
Sitting too close to an industrial wind machine isn't only unsafe, it's not a real story line.
While you're at it, there is such a thing as getting too oiled up
In Kardashian's video, she had more grease on her than a high school cafeteria cookie. The general rule for too much oil should be as follows: if your body leaves stains on wax paper or reflects light, you may wanna dial things down.
Blend your lip-liner
I mean, this one's a gimme.
Don't make the auto tune so obvious
Even the best of singers need a little help in production. Given that Jenner is working with actual music people, we can guess that the travesty of obvious auto-tune is avoidable. However, let's make an oath never to forget the mistake of the Kim Kardashian mechanized voice.
Godspeed, Kylie. May your first single have more than four notes!
Image: Perez Hilton