The Elements of the Basic Bitch: A Pseudo-Scientific Pie Chart

As we remarked in our recent scientific analysis of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, one of the beverage’s key elements is another of this season’s most curious phenomena: The Basic Bitch. Given that previous studies had found that the Basic Bitch itself contained at least a small portion of Pumpkin Spice Latte, we determined that this oddity was worthy of research of its own. Furthermore, although it may be reasonably simple to identify a Basic Bitch on sight, the detailed analysis of this strange creature can only deepen our knowledge of the natural world. Accordingly, we have delved deep into the territory of the Basic Bitch, with the end goal being to determine each of the individual elements that come together to create such a being.

It is interesting to note that while the Pumpkin Spice Latte contains 25 percent Basic Bitch, the Basic Bitch contains only 15 percent Pumpkin Spice Latte. We were unable to ascertain what might account for the difference in percentage; additional studies might search for the answer to this conundrum. Regardless, however, the occurrence of each in the “recipe” of the other brings up a chicken-or-the-egg question: Did the Pumpkin Spice Latte emerge from the Basic Bitch, or did the Basic Bitch give rise to the Pumpkin Spice Latte?

Further research may be required to tease out the answer to this most maddening of riddles; in the meantime, however, we present our findings for review below:

Image: Caroline Wurtzel/Bustle