I'll say it loud and proud: I’m a loner, through and through. While I like the idea of going out and being social, when it comes down to it, it’s really just not for me. I’m happy in my little cave surrounded by books, music, Netflix. With one click on my Seamless app, I can have pizza delivered to me. So, most days, I don’t really see the point in leaving the house.
But as someone who works from home, I should probably leave every once in awhile. I imagine that fresh air would do me good and that the occasional social interaction with my fellow human beings might be nice. (Emphasis on the word "might.")
As you might expect, when it comes to avoiding going out, I’m the queen. I’ve come up with some pretty wild and plausible reasons as to why I absolutely must stay in, and I take comfort in the fact that I know I still have a lifetime of excuses ahead. Because sometimes, you really just don't want to go out — and theres nothing wrong with that! Unfortunately, your extroverted friends might not always take no for an answer. And that's why you have these excuses.
May I now present the 51 best reasons not to go out tonight.
FRIENDS IS FINALLY STREAMABLE ON NETFLIX
OK … so not until January 1, 2015, but still, it’s important to prepare for these things ahead of time by securing the best place on the couch to watch all 236 episodes.
YOU HAVE TO RE-WATCH THE TWIN PEAKS SERIES before the remake comes out
You only have until 2016 to remind yourself of the whole,
“Who killed Laura Palmer?” plot!
let's be real, NETFLIX IN GENERAL
YOU’RE probably COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING
What if it’s Ebola?
EVEN IF IT’S NOT EBOLA, YOU’ll Probably CATCH IT if you leave the house
AND IT’S FLU SEASON TOO!
YOU’RE WAITING FOR AN IMPORTANT CALL
And you don’t want to be out and about when it comes in.
YOU HEARD YOUR EX IS BACK in town
Granted, you’re not sure where on the East Coast, but you
can never be too safe.
IT’S ALMOST VOTING DAY, SO YOU NEED TO STUDY THE CANDIDATES
Although you already know you’ll be voting for the
ones who support your right to make decisions about your uterus.
It's going to RAIN
WHICH COULD POSSIBLY-maybe-probably LEAD TO SNOW
and YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR
SNOW BOOTS YET
Not to mention, someone stole your favorite umbrella the last
time you left the apartment.
you just got a 15 percent-OFf SEAMLESS coupon code, SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY IN AND USE that
Seriously, it is. Check your inbox.
YOU HAVE TO BREAK IN A PAIR OF purple clogs
Plus, you're a virgin who can't drive.
two words: night cheese
You have your priorities straight.
YOU’RE WAITING ON A UPS DELIVERY
And since it contains your Halloween costume, it’s paramount
that you don’t miss it.
YOU HAVE A ZIT
OR AT LEAST WHAT MIGHT soon BE A ZIT
But either way, you’re not fit to be seen in public.
YOUr bangs aren't behaving
SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY IN AND WASH your hair
YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR EX TO SHOW UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A JACKASS
It COULD happen.
YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY
AND PAY OFF YOUR STUDENT LOANS
OR SAVE UP FOR THAT VINTAGE CHANEL BAG YOU’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH FOR A DECADE
It’s important to have goals.
YOU LOST YOUR PHONE
In other words, it’s somewhere in your apartment, but you
don’t have the energy to look for it.
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR
Don’t you hate that?
OR RATHER, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO PUT ON PANTS
People tend to forget that you live in a no-pants home.
YOU HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY
Having some clean underwear might be a good idea.
OR AT LEAST, THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY
YOU HAVE CRAMPS
AND A headache
OH, LOOK AT THAT! YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD
and YOU’RE OUT OF TAMPONS
And you really don’t feel like going out while rocking a
YOU HAVE TO WORK
NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU DO
If work means looking for trips to Costa Rica on Expedia.
THERE’S A LAW AND ORDER MARATHON ON
And it’s so rare to come across a Law and Order marathon,
AND A SEX AND THE CITY MARATHON too!
You really hit the jackpot.
plus, IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN IS PROBABLY ON tv by now
You haven’t found the channel yet, but since it’s that time of year, it has to be on somewhere.
YOU HAVE A NEW RECIPE YOU WANT TO TRY
Because there’s no time like the present to learn how to
make Fricassée de Poulet a L’Ancienne.
YOU’RE NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE HARASSED
If that idiot who hangs around outside my bodega tells me to
smile one more time, he’s a dead man.
OR HIT ON
Why can’t a woman go into a bar alone for one drink without having five dudes descend upon her as if she’s road kill and they’re the vultures?
YOUR DOG WILL MISS YOU
AND YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE THOSE SAD EYES TODAY
In a perfect world, dogs would be allowed everywhere.
SO YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO STAY IN AN CUDDLE
Plus, YOU HAVE A BOOK YOU WANT TO FINISH
It’s just so good you can’t put it down.
OR A BOOK YOU WANT TO START
YOU need to catch up on your sleep
Must. Stay. In. Bed.
YOU HAVE NEW PAJAMAS YOU’D LIKE TO TRY OUT
Pockets for snacks and the remote control? Yes!
YOU NEED “ME TIME”
You can never get enough of it.
OH, LET’S BE HONET, YOU JUST DON’T WANT to go out
And I don’t blame you.
ain't no shame. you've earned it.
It sure is.
Images: Corie Howell/Flickr, Giphy