The 51 Best Reasons Not To Go Out Tonight, Because You're Not Only Working On Your Night Cheese

I'll say it loud and proud: I’m a loner, through and through. While I like the idea of going out and being social, when it comes down to it, it’s really just not for me. I’m happy in my little cave surrounded by books, music, Netflix. With one click on my Seamless app, I can have pizza delivered to me. So, most days, I don’t really see the point in leaving the house.

But as someone who works from home, I should probably leave every once in awhile. I imagine that fresh air would do me good and that the occasional social interaction with my fellow human beings might be nice. (Emphasis on the word "might.")

As you might expect, when it comes to avoiding going out, I’m the queen. I’ve come up with some pretty wild and plausible reasons as to why I absolutely must stay in, and I take comfort in the fact that I know I still have a lifetime of excuses ahead. Because sometimes, you really just don't want to go out — and theres nothing wrong with that! Unfortunately, your extroverted friends might not always take no for an answer. And that's why you have these excuses. 

May I now present the 51 best reasons not to go out tonight.

FRIENDS IS FINALLY STREAMABLE ON NETFLIX

OK … so not until January 1, 2015, but still, it’s important to prepare for these things ahead of time by securing the best place on the couch to watch all 236 episodes.

YOU HAVE TO RE-WATCH THE TWIN PEAKS SERIES before the remake comes out

You only have until 2016 to remind yourself of the whole, “Who killed Laura Palmer?” plot!

let's be real, NETFLIX IN GENERAL

Of course you want to watch Orange is the New Black again.

YOU’RE probably COMING DOWN WITH SOMETHING

What if it’s Ebola?

EVEN IF IT’S NOT EBOLA, YOU’ll Probably CATCH IT if you leave the house

AND IT’S FLU SEASON TOO!

YOU’RE WAITING FOR AN IMPORTANT CALL

And you don’t want to be out and about when it comes in.

YOU HEARD YOUR EX IS BACK in town 

Granted, you’re not sure where on the East Coast, but you can never be too safe.

IT’S ALMOST VOTING DAY, SO YOU NEED TO STUDY THE CANDIDATES

Although you already know you’ll be voting for the ones who support your right to make decisions about your uterus.

It's going to RAIN

WHICH COULD POSSIBLY-maybe-probably LEAD TO SNOW 

and YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR SNOW BOOTS YET

Not to mention, someone stole your favorite umbrella the last time you left the apartment.

you just got a 15 percent-OFf SEAMLESS coupon code, SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY IN AND USE that

Seriously, it is. Check your inbox.

YOU HAVE TO BREAK IN A PAIR OF purple clogs

Plus, you're a virgin who can't drive. 

two words: night cheese

You have your priorities straight. 

YOU’RE WAITING ON A UPS DELIVERY

And since it contains your Halloween costume, it’s paramount that you don’t miss it.

YOU HAVE A ZIT

OR AT LEAST WHAT MIGHT soon BE A ZIT

But either way, you’re not fit to be seen in public. 

YOUr bangs aren't behaving

Bangs, man, they can never behave.

SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY STAY IN AND WASH your hair

It's called self-care OK?

YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR EX TO SHOW UP AND APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A JACKASS

It COULD happen.

YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY

AND PAY OFF YOUR STUDENT LOANS

OR SAVE UP FOR THAT VINTAGE CHANEL BAG YOU’VE BEEN OBSESSED WITH FOR A DECADE

It’s important to have goals.

YOU LOST YOUR PHONE

In other words, it’s somewhere in your apartment, but you don’t have the energy to look for it.

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR

Don’t you hate that?

OR RATHER, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR BECAUSE YOU DON’T WANT TO PUT ON PANTS

People tend to forget that you live in a no-pants home.

YOU HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY

Having some clean underwear might be a good idea.

OR AT LEAST, THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO DO LAUNDRY

YOU HAVE CRAMPS

Ouch!

AND A headache 

Double ouch!

OH, LOOK AT THAT! YOU HAVE YOUR PERIOD

and YOU’RE OUT OF TAMPONS

And you really don’t feel like going out while rocking a maxi pad.

YOU HAVE TO WORK

NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU DO

If work means looking for trips to Costa Rica on Expedia.

THERE’S A LAW AND ORDER MARATHON ON

And it’s so rare to come across a Law and Order marathon, isn’t it?

AND A SEX AND THE CITY MARATHON too!

You really hit the jackpot.

plus, IT’S THE GREAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN IS PROBABLY ON tv by now

You haven’t found the channel yet, but since it’s that time of year, it has to be on somewhere.

YOU HAVE A NEW RECIPE YOU WANT TO TRY

Because there’s no time like the present to learn how to make Fricassée de Poulet a L’Ancienne.

YOU’RE NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE HARASSED

If that idiot who hangs around outside my bodega tells me to smile one more time, he’s a dead man.

OR HIT ON

Why can’t a woman go into a bar alone for one drink without having five dudes descend upon her as if she’s road kill and they’re the vultures?

YOUR DOG WILL MISS YOU

AND YOU JUST CAN’T HANDLE THOSE SAD EYES TODAY

In a perfect world, dogs would be allowed everywhere.

SO YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO STAY IN AN CUDDLE

Plus, YOU HAVE A BOOK YOU WANT TO FINISH

It’s just so good you can’t put it down.

OR A BOOK YOU WANT TO START

YOU need to catch up on your sleep

Must. Stay. In. Bed.

YOU HAVE NEW PAJAMAS YOU’D LIKE TO TRY OUT

Pockets for snacks and the remote control? Yes!

YOU NEED “ME TIME”

You can never get enough of it.

OH, LET’S BE HONET, YOU JUST DON’T WANT to go out

And I don’t blame you.

ain't no shame. you've earned it. 

It sure is.

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Images: Corie Howell/Flickr, Giphy

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