Erstwhile country music star and dotty old cat lady, Taylor Swift will appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show on Monday, and in a newly released preview clip she shares some truly devastating news with the world: she's going to jail. At least, she might be going to jail, if someone ever decides to frame her for it. You know? You know that feeling, guys?
"Oh so many people would frame me. And they can frame you for any crime that you could go to jail for. Look at me, I wouldn’t survive in jail," Swift told DeGeneres. "I think it comes from the fact that I could open up my phone — I could look at my phone and see any headline written about me at any time and it could be the most ridiculously untrue thing."
Totally understandable, Tay. Happens to everyone all the time. The "Out Of The Woods" singer also divulged her raging fear of sea urchins, but it was her crippling nightmare scenario of being sent to jail for a crime she didn't commit that really took the cake:
So I think the dream and nightmare of being framed comes from: I could do nothing wrong, I could sit in my house with the cats all day and somehow there could be an article about me buying a house in a place I’ve never been or dating a guy I’ve never met. So, it’s like, you know, but then you take it a step further and in a nightmare world it’s being framed for murder.
The meanest thing the 24-year-old pop superstar has ever done is write a revenge song (or ten), so the idea of her doing something so awful that it actually warrants jail time is kind of hilarious. This is the same person who invites all of her fans over just to hang and bake cookies with, right?! Since there's no way Swift is ever going to be sentenced to a real life version of Orange Is the New Black, here are a few alternate universe scenarios of what could send her there:
Taylor vandalizes a store after she discovers they sell lipstick that's harmfully tested on kittens
She would definitely do time in order to protect Meredith and Olivia Benson, let's be real.
She gets caught trying to steal a rare ingredient she needs to perfect her latest cookie recipe
Wanna know what's really inside those pumpkin spice cookies with cream cheese frosting? SECRETS.
She stabs someone with a knitting needle after they insult the elaborate scarf she made for Ed Sheeran's birthday
Did you see the gift she made him before? Girl knows her way around a pair of needles.
If any of you decide you want to frame T. Swift, at least wait until after she releases 1989, please and thanks.
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