If you go to the Adelaide Film Festival this Friday and name a high enough dollar amount, a small sample of Sia's CO2 could be yours. Pretty gnarly, eh? According to The Guardian, a jar of Sia's breath will be up for auction at AFF on Oct. 31. Margaret Pomeranz and David Stratton from Australian film review show At the Movies will auction the singer-songwriter's breath at the film festival's quiz night event. And please note that the “Chandelier” singer didn’t simply exhale into a glass container; “Gorgeously and magnificently she breathed into a jar for us," says festival director Amanda Duthrie.
Of course she breathed both gorgeously and magnificently. Like she's capable of anything less.
I reached out to the jar for comment*. It didn’t just have a comment. It had an entire sales pitch for any potential buyers. Here's the jar's email:
Jar of Breath here. You can call me JOB. All of my friends do. :) :) :) :) :)
To anyone who thinks he or she might want to put a bid down on Oct. 31: I can’t support that decision enough! I realize I am incredibly biased, but I am AWESOME. If you leave the Adelaide Film Festival with me in the crook of your arm, you won't be disappointed.
- It’s Sia’s breath.
- Forgive me. It's Sia's GORGEOUS and MAGNIFICENT breath.
- If you play Sia’s 2004 hit “Breathe Me” and listen really, really closely, you can hear me sing along.
- I am a great conversation piece. Put me on your credenza, your coffee table, or your mantle. Get ready for your guests to ask why the heck you have what appears to be a sealed empty Mason jar on display. Your answer will impress.
- I fit in most carry-ons, so you can travel with me without worrying I'll get crushed underneath a stack of checked suitcases.
- You can fashion a miniature blonde wig, place it on my lid, and turn me around so I'm facing a corner. Then, you can fire up "Chandelier," put on a leotard and wig, and dance around. We can reenact Sia's and Maddie Ziegler's Ellen performance together!
- I make for a nice, unassuming paperweight.
- If you choose to break the silver sealing wax and inhale Sia's gorgeous and magnificent breath, I can be used to hold small objects. (Ya know, like a regular ol' Mason jar.) (But you will always know I am not a regular ol' Mason jar, for I was once a receptacle for Sia's gorgeous and magnificent CO2.)
*OK fine. Jars can't think or speak or type. I fabricated JOB's email. You caught me.