Every college has that class that everyone is scrambling to get into because it's quirky or niche or "out of the box". My sophomore year, I hit the student web login with the tenacity and brutality of an underground assassin to get myself into an unconventional course on the Psychology of Love and Sex because the reputation for the class was so long-reaching that I'd heard of it as early as my senior year of high school, and people were so obsessed with getting into it that when I arrived to the first day of class there were easily two rows of vultures standing in the back, waiting for one of us us to drop the class (fat chance.)
As fulfilling as it is to land yourself a spot in the "it" class of the semester, I think our universities can do better. There are major gaps in my education that I relied on college to help me get through, gaps that became all too apparent once I graduated and was pushed out into the "real world". I think if colleges really intend to fulfill their mission statements and prepare us for the trials and tribulations up ahead, there are a few classes every one of them should add to their curriculum:
How To Spot A Creep On Tinder 101
Or any sort of dating site, for that matter. I want a psychology class that analyzes facial expressions and poses and Instagram filter choices so that we can swipe right and be confident we're not going to get someone who uses "u" as a pronoun and sends approximately seven dick pics per minute.
Everything You Need To Know About Credit Cards
Bless my high school AP Statistics teacher's heart for trying to explain this to us in the month after the AP test when everyone's brains were way too fried to be paying attention. It didn't matter in high school, but going to college meant having to be responsible for our personal finances, and a lot of us had no idea where to begin. The internet is less than helpful because it's basically full of credit card companies not-so-subtly trying to get you to sign on with them, so it's almost impossible to get unbiased opinions up in here. A little help, college?
Why The Hell Are These Famous People Famous?
Someone please explain to me the Kardashians, because I've let it go on too long and now I'm too embarrassed to ask.
Mixology/How To Be Pretentious About Alcohol
If someone tries to explain the taste of a beer to me they might as well be speaking pig latin. What the hell does "hoppy" mean? Is an insect going to leap out of it? That, and I have no idea what kind of alcohol are in different mixed drinks. At some point in college, the savvy kids downloaded it into their brains, whereas I just put an alcohol and a juice in the same cup and crossed my fingers. I'm embarrassed to order things in bars. I just point at stuff on the menu and hope for the best.
How To Write A Cover Letter That Doesn't Make You Want To Rip Your Hair Out
There is nothing more awkward than writing three paragraphs where you #humblebrag about yourself and try not to seem as desperate and a poorly-trained labradoodle. Oh wait, there is something more awkward, and it's googling "How to Write A Cover Letter". Somebody teaching this in a class would make life significantly easier for everyone.
Naptime Class
This is not a joke. There should be a required class where you get one credit per semester for napping, and it should happen on a Wednesday, because Wednesdays are the longest and the worst. It might also help to solve the nationwide college insomnia problems.
How To Make The Kind Of Grilled Cheese That Ends All Grilled Cheeses
I've met a lot of people who brag about their grilled cheese skills like they're whipping their dicks out at the dinner table, but they never feel inclined to share their grilled cheese prowess. Knowledge should be open and available to everyone. FREE THE CHEESE.
What Actually Is An Infant And How To Take Care Of It
I worked daycare all through college and full-time in the summers in infant and toddler rooms, and there is so much that goes into taking care of a baby (or, in that case, many babies) that college kids don't anticipate. I know a lot of millennials are pushing back marriage and parenthood, and a lot of us might not be interested in having kids at all, but that doesn't mean that this kind of how-to might not come in handy one day. That's the thing about the future: You never know. And those little creatures are cute but you would not believe the number of dangers you have to be hyper-aware of or the things that explode out of their orifices, and that was only in the eight hours of daylight before I gave them back.
Basic Coding
It seemed like there were a lot of majors like this that you had to have some background interest in or track record with in high school if you were going to pursue it in college, and I feel like computer science is on the top of the list. This might not be true of all colleges, but I think the ones that don't offer it should start. Then we'd all be 80% more employable and less likely to have an existential crisis while doing our laundry (who said that?)
Which Televisions Shows You Should Actually Be Watching
I missed the boat on Breaking Bad and Game of Thrones. It's too late for me. Even if I tried to watch now, I'd never catch up. This tragedy could have been easily avoided by the guidance of someone who had the wisdom to tell me when it was most important to make a pop culture investment. In the meantime, I'll just walk around and live with my life with no idea what people are talking about.
How To Survive The First Two To Five Years Of Realizing Your College Degree Doesn't Mean What You Thought It Would After College
College is great, but it's basically like spending four years on a Disney cruise line that drops you off in the Bermuda triangle without an oar and only a stack of generously-padded resumes to keep you company. See y'all when we finally hit shore.
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