Is this really better than no free-streaming Taylor Swift music? On Monday, Taylor Swift removed all of her music from Spotify and T Swift fans all over the world, including Spotify, who wrote her a desperate "come back to me" post-breakup letter, cried tears of despair. (As if we didn't already own all of her albums already.) Apparently those tears and cries to the heavens were a little preemptive because Taylor Swift's music is still available on Pandora, which is great — if you want to listen to Taylor Swift and a handful of artists that may or may not be similar to her. If not, this is really not great at all. Actually, it's kind of terrible.
Let me be the first to say that Pandora and Spotify are not created equal. Pandora is great, if you love variety and having zero control over what you're listening to (OK, fine, the handful of "skips" and "thumbs downs" give you slight control) — it's perfect for parties. But Spotify used to allow me to listen to ALL Taylor Swift ALL of the time if I wanted (with a few commercials breaks of course) and I loved that. But I was willing to give this new way of listening to T Swift a shot, because any T Swift is good T Swift. Right?
Wrong. So, to save you the time and resulting frustration, here are the 9 stages of attempting to listen to Taylor Swift on Pandora. Warning: It's not pretty.
Stage 1: The Initial Search
OK, this isn't that different than searching Taylor on Spotify — I can deal with this. (Even though I hate it.)
Stage 2: Instant Gratification
Cool — we've got a throwback here, I'm into it. "Mean" is a really great song. How long will this good run last?
Stage 3: The First Disappointment
A Carrie Underwood song? THUMBS DOWN.
Stage 4: Hopeful Frustration
YAY, more Taylor. Maybe there will be more Taylor on this station than not? I mean it is the Taylor Swift Station.
Stage 5: The First Commercial Break
Three songs in and already a commercial? I hate this.
Stage 6: Indignation & Loss of Faith In Humanity
HOW ARE THEY PLAYING KATY PERRY ON THIS STATION? DON'T THEY KNOW THAT SHE SHE AND TAYLOR HAVE "BAD BLOOD?" WTF.
Stage 7: Disbelief
Do they even have 1989 on here? Why am I doing this to myself?
Stage 8: Official, Unadulterated Frustration
I JUST WANT TO LISTEN TO "BLANK SPACE." God, why is that so much to ask. I can't take this anymore.
Stage 9: Giving Up
I'm just going to go buy 1989 because this is pointless. And so I can be this happy: