Beyonce’s Platinum Edition Just Doesn’t Excite Me & That’s Making Me Question My Life Choices

Let me preface this post by saying that I would never deny that Beyoncé is the Queen Bey, and the dropping of BEYONCE like a bomb from heaven was one of my most seminal moments of 2013. That’s why I am so surprised by myself for not being more excited about her re-release of BEYONCÉ as a box set with a bunch of extra goodies. Am I ill? My lack of enthusiasm about a Beyoncé Event is making me question my identity, which is not something I enjoy doing.

The new set is a "four-disc Platinum Edition Box Set (out Nov. 24) [that] features remixes with Jay Z, Pharrell Williams, Kanye West, Rihanna, Justin Timberlake, and more, plus 28 music videos and footage from both the Mrs. Carter World Tour and the On The Run Tour.” And though it does include two new tracks, “7/11” and “Ring Off,” I just cannot get hyped about the platinum edition.

I will eat up any sort of scrap of Beyoncé news. Did you know she has a bob right now? Did you also shriek when she dressed up like Janet Jackson a lá Rhythm Nation for Halloween and then, before we had time to get over it, she donned an amazing Frida Kahlo costume? All signs point to the fact that I should be screamin' about the Platinum release. Buuuut I mean, I think purely from a financial point of view, I'm too cheap to pay for Beyoncé's Platinum. I'm at a point in my life where if I've got an extra 20 dollars, I feel like I am ballin' out of control. And Beyonce's new album on pre-order is $28.98. A SMALL FORTUNE.

OK, but I impulse buy stupid crap like phone cases covered in googly eyes and sweatshirts with Nicki Minaj lyrics on them. So why won't I pay for Bey? For one, I already purchased BEYONCÉ in a frantic rush last winter, and the new edition has most of the same stuff. I saw the On the Run Tour on HBO, didn't you? And let's be real, I pay for Spotify Premium, so Beyonce's album was, like, the first full-priced music purchase I had made in eons.

I'm also holding out hope that Bey is just dropping the Platinum album as a red herring. She did after all spring BEYONCÉ on us in the dead of the night at witching hour, so perhaps this is just a tease. Or maybe Bey is pulling a Quentin Tarantino and WAS going to drop a new album until people started getting suspicious and so she was like, "I'm doing this on my own terms." I have many suspicions about what she is up to, but I feel like this Platinum is not a big enough move for a woman who made so many incredible music videos and broke the internet. Maybe upon the anniversary of BEYONCÉ she'll do something crazy. Let us pray. I don't feel comfortable questioning my Bey loyalty this way.

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