9 Reasons To Eat Non-Stop In #MoFoodVember

The holiday season is fast approaching and will soon be upon us, and before it swallows us all whole, I'd like to take a brief moment to bring up something important that we all might tend to overlook during this, the busiest time of the year: November is the best month to eat ALL of the food. Oh sure, we all know we have Thanksgiving coming up, but what about the other 29 days of the month? We associate glutting ourselves with the splendor that is October and Halloween, and December gets its due for all those excellent Christmas treats (eff candy canes though, seriously. They are a pretender.), but November is the best month to truly chow down like never before. That's right: Movember can take a seat – it's all about #MoFoodVember this year.

As a culture, we tend to forget all of the excellent reasons why gnawing off every edible thing but our own arms is a great idea during the month of November. Don't fret, I'm here to remind you just why it's so important. I'm also here to quietly shake my head in quiet embarrassment for those of you who did not naturally understand and leap towards the joyous opportunity to gorge yourself, although I'm assuming that most of you responded exactly like that. Let's all take a deep breath, unbutton our pants, and dig into why November is the best month to get your eat on:

1. Winter is Coming

I live in an apartment building in New York where our heating is controlled by our landlord...who lives in Miami. There are only so many pointed phone calls a gal can make during the month of November to complain. My new strategy is less about bitching to the landlord, and more about making sure my body takes in the amount of calories it needs in order to survive the long, hard winter.

2. The Pilgrims Died So That You Might Eat

It's true. Our forefathers came to this country and died so that you and your besties could get silly on cheap champagne and binge-eat french onion dip while the rolls burn. Look, I took AP US History when I was fifteen. I think I know what I'm talking about, 'mkay?

3. It Gets Dark Earlier

There's less to do because it's darker earlier than ever. You know what that means – Fill every one of your ever-darker waking hours with eating. Sure, you could "go to a movie with friends." But let's be real: This cheese block isn't going to eat itself.

4. Because You're All About That Base

Big booties are in right now. Keep it little in the middle but make sure that you've got much back if you want to stay au currant. I suggest croissant slathered in butter and Nutella, but figure out what works for you. *Creepily encouraging arts and crafts teacher voice* Play. Have fun with it. Express yourself. Haters to the laugh, big-butted sisters, come sit by me and get your feast on.

5. Do It For Fashion

Like it or not, puffy coats will never not be having a moment. In order to best display your hip new puffer, work on puffing up yourself. All the better to make that coat werk, honey. It's gonna be like that song Brick House when you walk down the street, eating every cookie that there is and that is awesome.

6. You Need to Prep For Christmas

Halloween was the gateway drug to Thanksgiving. Let's be real. If there had been no seemingly endless supply of Baby Ruth bars for you to consume with little to no thought, you wouldn't have been all "Well, the damage is done" when it came to ingesting that third slice of pumpkin pie. Keep that expansive sense of cuisine going. Christmas is coming and you need to keep your gut primed and ready for action, and by action I mean figgy pudding.

7. Because You're Going to Resolve to Eat Less In January

Look, we all know that come January 1st, you're going to make a bunch of bullshit resolutions (even though last year's included not making any this year) and make an attempt at eating like a reasonable adult for at least two weeks. If you're going to put yourself through rice cake hell, best to enjoy these non-salad days while they last.

8. Extra Calories Needed For Dog-Show Cheering

The best thing about Thanksgiving is that there are dog shows. Don't try to talk to me about remembering my blessings or the Macy's Day parade or I will slap you silly. I want to see fancy dogs, in formal settings, compete for prizes and I need all the strength I have to cheer them on to victory.

9. Because Candy Corn

Hi, have you met candy corn? It is delicious, and it is seasonal, and you need to eat as much of it as you can before it goes away again for an ENTIRE YEAR. Fret about a balanced diet all you want, but if your diet does not include a liberal handful (or twelve) of candy corn, you are doing it wrong.

Images: Kristen Taylor/Flickr; Giphy(9)