I think you might need to sit down for this. Are you sitting down? Are you sure? Well, all right, I warned you. Guys, did you know that Tom Hiddleston has never been People's Sexiest Man Alive? Let me repeat: Hiddleston has NEVER ONCE IN HISTORY been People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive. In fact, this grievous oversight is so pervasive that in 2013, when Adam Levine was voted Sexiest Man Alive, MTV News readers voted Hiddleston to the position instead with over 77% of the vote. However, personal polls on MTV News does not a People Magazine cover make, and thus we again have to ask the question of why Hiddleston has never been Sexiest Man Alive. Especially now that the 2014 People cover star is Chris Hemsworth, who stars alongside Hiddleston in the Thor films and is widely considered to be Loki'd in his own films by his dark-haired brother.
So, how is this possible? I mean, aside from the MTV News poll, there is also a Facebook group called We Want Tom Hiddleston for People's Sexiest Man Alive and a petition to get him on the cover that had over 4,000 signatures after only a month of being live. Then there's the fact that, well, people really love Hiddleston. From his villainous on-screen character, the Norse god Loki, to his real life, fun-loving and hilarious personality in interviews and guest appearances, the only thing that's better than Hiddleston is Hiddleston with cats. (Or Hiddleston with Benedict Cumberbatch.)
In order to solve the mystery of exactly why Hiddleston keeps getting passed over by People Magazine every year, it's probably best if we ask what the criteria is for their idea of sexy. Because it can't be denied that Hiddleston is a beautiful, beautiful man with the best smile in the world and a great sense of humor. To be fair, all of that is true of Hemsworth, but we're looking at 19 years of glaring error here. Sure, the first People Magazine Sexiest Man Alive cover came out in 1985, when Hiddleston was 4 years old, but I am still filled with righteous indignation all the same.
So, how does People Magazine choose the Sexiest Man Alive? According to a 2010 interview with ABC News, it's not just about the hot. "We know it has to be a mix of someone who's hot but well-known," said People Managing Editor Larry Hackett. "Not too young, not too old and somebody who, frankly, maybe we haven't thought of." He also added that, "Sexy certainly has to do with someone being good-looking, and has to do with a certain kind of romantic, flirtatiousness physical appeal that may be beyond just academic appreciation of the way they look. We want some mystery in our sexiness."
All I heard was "Hiddleston, Hiddleston, Hiddleston," but let me break this down. Hot but well-known? Check. Not too young? Well, Hiddleston is 33 years old currently, so check. Not too old? Well, the oldest Sexiest Man Alive was Sean Connery, who made the cover at age 59 — so I think Hiddleston is still safe here. Somebody they haven't thought of? Hiddleston doesn't have a cover yet, so check. Good-looking, romantic, flirtatious physical appeal, and mystery? Okay, so none of that helped solve why Hiddleston hasn't gotten what he so obviously deserves yet. Do we need another petition? Should we start erecting signs in the street? Do we need a mockingjay for our rebellion against the oppressive world that has yet to give Hiddleston the buzz he needs to make that cover?
All right, maybe we don't need to resort to such extreme tactics. Perhaps now that Hemsworth has been named Sexiest Man Alive — the first of the Marvel Avengers to be given the title — then that will open People up to putting more of them on the cover. I'd still prefer to see more celebrities of color as the Sexiest Man Alive, but 2017 will be the perfect year to elect Hiddleston at last. After all, that's when Thor: Ragnarok comes out, so his buzz will be on a whole new level in anticipation of the latest Marvel film.