Miley Cyrus, Jennifer Lawrence, & Skrillex at Thanksgiving? No Thanks!
If you think Thanksgiving is going to be uncomfortable with your extended family members, think again. Because, someday, they'll make an opera about the awkward 2014 Forbes ' Top Earning Celebrities Under 30 list and their imagined (by me), strained turkey day feast. Not because of the rash and ridiculous amounts of money begotten by the likes of Justin Bieber ($80 freakin' million) or that we're surprised that Forbes announced that only one actor, Jennifer Lawrence, made their list. No, this has much more to do with the turmoil and major drama between these 30 wealthy youngins than money at all. If they all had to sit down at the Thanksgiving dinner table this Thursday, it would be, painfully, put-everyone-out-of-their-misery-already agonizing.
First things first, Bieber topped the list and would certainly be the elephant in the room. But, actually, he could end up being the group's unifier, because the one thing everyone can probably agree on is that he most definitely gets to sit at the head of the table... the kids' table... by himself. Other than that oddly ironic peace making notion, the rest of the meal would just be straight down a vertical hill from there. This list is like the six degrees of Kevin Bacon but, like, way more uncomfortable and sort of inappropriate.
So, here's how I imagine it'd go:
A HEATED WISHBONE TUG OF WAR BETWEEN BIEBS & ONE DIRECTION
You know, because of the whole bloody preteen Twitter war between their two fandoms... and because Bieber topped them on the list by ONE slot.
A PARTICULARLY AGGRESSIVE PASS OF THE MASHED POTATOES FROM MILEY TO J. LAW
Because Miley once called J. Law out for embellishing a story and now J. Law is rumored to be sorta, kinda, maybe dating Liam Hemsworth.
HARRY STYLES & TAYLOR SWIFT EACH GOING FOR THE LAST BISCUIT
Styles and Swift's reconciliation is oh so new, and the polite sacrifice of the biscuit between each other would be just too much to take, really.
POOR RIHANNA & BRUNO MARS JUST SITTING THERE, PRAYING FOR TIME TO PASS, WONDERING HOW THEY ENDED UP HERE
Give them ALL the alcohol.
BIEBER TRYING & FAILING TO MAKE SMALL TALK WITH T. SWIFT
Because we all know how she feels about him mistreating her bestie.
MILEY & BIEBS PULLING A MRS. DOUBTFIRE BY NEVER BEING IN THE ROOM AT THE SAME TIME
...Considering we've established that they're actually the same person:
LADY GAGA WALKING IN AS THE MAIN COURSE
Major appetite killer.
EVERYONE NOTICING AVICII & SKRILLEX SITTING IDLY IN THE CORNER, WONDERING HOW THEY EVEN GOT INVITED
Images: Giphy (8)