Wait, Did Tom Sandoval Cheat In Miami Or Is This Some 'Vanderpump Rules' Make-Believe Drama?

I'm positive that while you were languorously enjoying butter-slathered mashed potatoes and lusciously calorie-heavy stuff this Thanksgiving weekend, you were pondering one of the big questions. You know, stuff like "How much longer can I play the kid role at Thanksgiving before people start feeling sorry for me?" "Did my mom really mean it when she said she wants grandkids already?" And "Did Tom Sandoval really cheat on Ariana in Miami?"

I'm going to go ahead and brush those first two questions under the rug (because only a hefty helping of pinot noir seems to make them less scary), and focus instead on Tom. Did he cheat? If we're going to continue along the line with this (maybe) Jennifer Lawrence-approved Vanderpump Rules adventure, I'm going to need to pick a side. It's just more fun that way.

So, in the hopes of picking the right side of the did he/didn't he debate, I'm lining up the evidence so we can get to the bottom of this seemingly unsolvable mystery. So yeah, Mom, I'm super busy. The grandkids can wait.

Exhibit A: The Supposed Other Woman Screams at the Top Of Her Lungs "We Had Sex" While Tom Is Working at SUR

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At about the one-minute mark in the Season 3 trailer (above) Tom gets into a nuh-uh, yeah-huh argument with a woman who says over and over again "We had sex." For reference, this is her:

Now look, it's not exactly my bag to assume any woman is lying when she says sex happened, but let us consider the allure of fame: Many folks before this woman (ahem, Chris Bukowski on The Bachelorette ) have drummed up some drama involving themselves in order to snag 15 minutes of fame. And while this would not be my chosen drama, the rules of reality TV say that any drama is good drama.

So while I'm not saying this mystery Miami woman is lying, I am saying that if she is, she definitely has some sort of motivation to do so, even if it's not the sort of motivation I'd be on board with.

Exhibit B: Kristen Is The Source & Openly Admits Disliking Tom & Ariana Together

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In that same promo, Kristen says she hates them together and that they're all in her face with their newfound love. Tom & Ariana say that Kristen is only pushing this story because she's jealous. Now, I'm not a fan of the "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" defense because I think it plays on some rather nasty stereotypes, but Kristen is acting pretty unreasonable.

She has a boyfriend, yet the two of them are borderline obsessed (I'm being generous, here) with Tom's love life. In what realm is that even slightly healthy? In what realm is that a sign of a sound mental state? No realm, that's where.

Kristen also keeps trotting out the "Tom cheated on me with Ariana" bit, though that was a kiss, while Kristen repeatedly slept with Jax, who had a girlfriend at the time. Of the two, she messed up BIG time.

Plus, let's think about it: If my ex-boyfriend dumped me for cheating on him and I wasn't over the relationship, I'd probably be searching for a reason to bring him down to my cheating level too. Like perhaps, getting overly optimistic about a cheating rumor from a Miami party? Everyone needs to feel better about their mistakes. Of course, I probably wouldn't actually do anything with that information, because in circles of normal, non-reality types, that sort of behavior is certifiably insane.

Exhibit C: Selfies & Texts Don't Prove Anything

Supposedly, Kristen has "text to prove it" when it comes to this rumor. But text messages only really prove that Tom & Miami Girl hung out; beyond that, those texts are about as weighty as the girl yelling at Tom that they had sex while he refutes it. They get us nowhere (unless you really enjoy watching TV bar fights, like the one in Season 3's premiere).

Exhibit D: Look How Quickly & Embarrassingly Tom Apologized To Scheana

Granted, admitting fault to Scheana probably wouldn't ruin his relationship the way admitting that he cheated on Ariana would, but still. Put a little alcohol in this guy and he's ready to cry crocodile tears and put it all out there. I feel like he would have cracked already if he'd cheated.

Exhibit E: Tom Schwartz Says He Was With Original Recipe Tom All Night

It's worth noting. Tom doesn't seem to be the sort of person to lift a finger for anyone else. (Dude can't even finish a shift at PUMP, a bar that looks like Disneyland for lushes.) So if he's speaking up, he's probably telling the truth. Either that or he really doesn't like Kristen.

Exhibit F: Literally No One Except Kristen Cares About This

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Seriously. Even Tom and Ariana seem almost bored by the suggestion after a while. Here's a snippet from Ariana's blog on Bravo:

A conversation between Crazy #1 and Crazy #2 does not "hard proof" make. "Texts to prove it"? I saw those texts months prior and I have more scandalous sounding conversations with my manager. "Selfies"? You mean one photo on a scooter at a gas station that was taken by Schwartz and sent to multiple people? Someone is using the "say something a bunch of times" method of trying to make something true. I have a genius level IQ and I evaluate all situations scientifically and logically. If I'm not worried about it, its not something to worry about. I'm the farthest thing from dumb you've ever met. I'm not incredibly confident about all of myself, but that is something that is just a fact.

We may never know the truth, because I'm guessing that even if Tom is lying, he knows there's not enough to proof to convict in a Court of SUR. But from the outside, it certainly does seem like a lot of craziness that doesn't quite add up.

Images: Bravo; Giphy (2)