When Feminists Play Cards Against Humanity...

by Julie Alvin

We all know what happens when assholes play Cards Against Humanity, everyone's favorite offensive party game — The (now discontinued, thankfully) "passable transvestite" card gets trotted out far too often, the "Virginia Tech Massacre" card becomes the punchline of some gross joke, and people lament the absence of the "date rape" card in updated editions. The game can be hilarious and outrageous...but it can also be basically a clearing house for racist, sexist, and just generally offensive jokes. So is it possible to play Cards Against Humanity while being politically correct? And would that be any fun?

I am not one to shy away from crass humor (I do enjoy deploying the perfectly timed "bukkake" card) but I wondered what would happen if we turned the game on its head and used it to express some of our feminist dreams and desires rather than our most abhorrent (if funny) inner thoughts. Basically, what would happen if liberal, independent, sex-positive, feminist chicks were to play a round? Which is basically to say, what if Bustle editors were to play a round? The results would look something like this:

When's this happening, Obama?

It really is a magical little thing and should be celebrated. On the other hand, though...

Since sex is like...then shouldn't it be inside know...ugh, nevermind.

More multi-dimensional female characters, of color and otherwise, please!

OK, maybe that's a Bustle-editor-specific response.

Can we stop teaching these girls that pretty is the most important thing? That said, though, you can be a feminist beauty pageant contestant.

Body autonomy, anyone?

Weeping, actually.

Our mutual satisfaction determines when sex is over, dude.

May we refer you to this vibrators roundup?

Here's hoping!

Looking at you, Westboro Baptist Church.

Happily unmarried? This one is for you.

Please see: consent.

It may not be working as far as political capital goes, but it is working guys.

Fine, this has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with gluttony.

That said, achieving it could have been easier if you had referred to #3.

Dick Cheney, specifically.

Equality is tooootally a turn on.