I'm proud to call myself a wino. No open bottle of wine goes unfinished in my home. Although I have a deep appreciation and love for craft beers and other drinks, I will probably always prefer wine. Although I don’t drink just any wine these days (like I did in college), I’ll still take a cheap wine over a cheap beer any day. Any six-dollar bottle of wine is going to taste better than a Bud Light. That’s just a scientific fact.
But as everyone who loves wine knows, being a wino can leave you open to the commentary of others. (You know, because people just love to comment on the lives of others.) I am consistently asked the same things and have been forced to roll my eyes in annoyance at some, if not most, of the people who just don't get it.
So, the next time you feel like verbally harassing the beloved wino in your life, stop and think for a minute. What you have to say isn’t exactly original or novel, because we’ve heard it all before and it’s boring. Here are the 21 things we, the winos of the world, are just so over hearing.
1. "How Much Wine Did You Drink Last Night?"
Well, considering there's no such thing as too much wine, a lot.
2. "How Are You Not Hungover?"
One word: Practice.
3. "I Bet You Just Drink Right Out Of The Bottle, Don't You?"
Despite having a myriad of wine glasses for every type of wine, yes, I do drink out of the bottle when I'm flying solo.
4. "You Do Realize Doctors Say One Glass Of Wine a Night, Not One Bottle?"
Glass sizes are subjective.
5. "It's Gross to Finish Someone's Glass Of Wine Just Because They Don't Want It."
And it's even more gross to waste wine.
6. "I'm Surprised You Teeth Aren't Permanently Red."
Honestly, me too. I guess those whitening strips really do work after all.
7. "How Could You Like Wine More Than Beer?"
It's amazing how winos get the rep for being the snobs...
8. "So ... You Think You're Too Good For Beer?"
Depends on the beer, because I'm definitely too good for some beer, yes. But mostly, I just prefer wine.
9. "You're Such Snob."
If loving wine makes me a snob, then I don't want to be among the proletariats.
10. "Do You Eat Cheese Every Night?"
Do you know anything else that goes so perfectly with Camembert?
11. "What Do You Think Of Two-Buck Chuck?"
It gets the job done, but it's no Côtes du Rhône.
12. "You Probably Judge Screw-Off Tops, Don't You?"
Not really. Corks just delay the time it takes to get that wine in me.
13. "You'd Never Drink Boxed Wine, Right?"
Oh, I love boxed.
14. "Red Wine Gives Me A Headache. I Don't Know How You Drink It."
15. "Wine Hangovers Are The Worst. It's So Not Worth It."
As I said, more for me.
16. "How Could You Just Order Wine Here? They Have So Many Fun Drinks!"
Great! Please let me know how they taste!
17. "Who Orders Wine At A Dive Bar?"
This guy! No shame.
18. "That's a Really Big Pour You Have There."
My, how perceptive you are!
19. "Do You Want to Get a Glass Of Wine Or Just Share the Bottle?"
Why even ask?
20. "Your Neighbors Must Totally Be Judging Your Recycling Bin."
Yeah, judging it for being awesome.
21. "Do You Think You'll Ever Cut Down on Your Wine Intake?"
Sure — how about when you cut down on your judge-y intake?
Images: ABC; Giphy(16)