Minecraft Creator's New $70 Million Home Has a Vaguely Porn-Like Trailer (Yes, a House Has a Trailer) — VIDEO

It looks like someone gifted themselves early for Christmas this year. After selling his ridiculously profitable game to Microsoft, 35-year-old Minecraft creator Markus "Notch" Persson bought a $70 million dollar home in Beverly Hills this month, and the trailer to advertise the home has enough sexual tension to rival Fifty Shades of Gray. First off, that's right, you heard me: The house has its own trailer. A house has its own trailer and I still do not (nothing is fair). Not only that, but the soundtrack to it is downright porn-tastic. It will make you want to rip off your clothes and question the sanity of being sexually attracted to a house. In other words, this whole mess is over the top and hilarious.

Here is how the real estate listing describes it:

Welcome to The Top of Hillcrest, Beverly Hills’ most stunning and cutting edge estate completed in September 2014. From its exquisite design to its breathtaking views, it is an unprecedented multisensory experience from the moment you step foot on this exceptional promontory property. Sitting at approximately 23,000 square feet, this home is a true masterpiece of architectural excellence exhibiting the sharpest attention to fine detail and luxury composition. Every inch is outfitted with a brilliant blend of sophisticated style and comfort of the highest quality set against a backdrop of sweeping panoramic views from Downtown Los Angeles to the shores of Malibu.

This house is so impressive that it made up its own damn word. Multi-sensory is a thing of the past. Its multisensory, one word now, because there is no limit to what this house can achieve.

You will note that, similar to Fifty Shades of Gray, the description is deceptively more PG than the inside, especially with the addition of the two hot models who just happen to be hanging out on the property, drinking in the pool, NBD. (Can we just stop for a moment to consider the awkwardness of that job listing? Thanks. I appreciate you considering. Because I took would like to be paid for drinking in a rich person's pool without actually having to deal with the rich person, and now we are all one step closer to figuring out how).

Here are some of the stills of the house that is a mere drop in the bucket for the man who has amassed a $2.5 billion fortune:

What I did not include is the alarming amount of leopard print, partially because I didn't want to blind you, and partially because half the fun of it is scavenging for it in the video yourself. No doubt Persson will be able to hire a redecorator though, now the Warner Brothers is turning Minecraft into a movie. Some hard-working, innovative people have all the "luck"!

Here is the softcore porn version of the real estate listing, in case you're alone tonight and need something to make you feel alive:

Images: Vimeo