No, you did not wander into a time warp into the mid '90s: That was Jerry Seinfeld performing stand-up on the Tonight Show earlier this week. The rarely-perfoming comedian did a five-minute set on Tuesday night's show, largely dedicated to how much he hates stuff—and it was a delight. Lest you think my description of his performance makes him sound like scream-o comic Lewis Black, I assure you this was not the case. Seinfeld's hatred of stuff was literal: He was hating on stuff. He hates acquiring objects because eventually, no matter what, everything will eventually turn into garbage. Oh, Jerry, you lovable Nihilist.
It was at this point that I lowered my coffee mug and said, "Come on, Jerry, that's a little grim for the holidays." This is not the time of year when I want to be considering how all the glorious material possession I'm currently enjoying will one day be tossed aside! I know it's true, but I don't want to think about it! That's probably because I have to actively work to keep myself from becoming a hoarder. "Becca, what should I do with this wad of cat hair from under the sofa?" "SAVE IT, WE COULD ONE DAY MAKE A COAT!" That's me, basically. Luckily for us all, my roommate is not an insane person and frequently nips my "SAVE IT ALL!" impulse right in the bud.
Back to the point: Jerry Seinfeld is a gifted comedian. That is not saying anything particularly revelatory. We all know he's a funny dude. But we never get to see it anymore. So it's nice when he comes back onstage every now and then to perform stand-up and remind us all just why we dig watching reruns of Seinfeld with our reheated day-old lasagna after a tough day at the office. That said, he's also very much of a certain time and his comedy reflects that. I know, I know—I'm bracing myself for the deluge of Seinfeld fans to come attack me, all wearing puffy shirts. But let's be honest: He did an extended joke about Ebay. EBAY, you guys! At the very least, the dude should have been referencing Amazon Prime.