Why You Should Avoid Sexual Narcissists

We've all known a narcissist — those frustrating individuals who consistently show an inflated sense of themselves, to the detriment of everyone who must deal with them. But perhaps no one is exposed so fully to a narcissist's cruelty as his or her romantic partner, who is expected both to fulfill the narcissist's endless needs and to bear the brunt of his or her displeasure when anything goes wrong. Narcissism affects every dimension of a relationship — including the bedroom — and for the worse. But sexual narcissists, people who will always put their needs before their partners, are surprisingly common and also more likely to be unfaithful in relationships. Luckily, for those of you who are concerned that you may encounter one (or that you already have), research condensed in Psychology Today explains how to pick out a sexual narcissist — and how to avoid them.

According to Psychology Today, regular narcissists are characterized by “needing others to confirm their identities, wanting excessively to please others, being unable to empathize with others, having little interest in close relationships, feelings entitled to special treatment, and — last but not least — seeking attention." When these characteristics are pronounced enough, they rise to the level of narcissistic personality disorder. Similarly, a specifically sexual narcissist shows signs of sexual entitlement, sexual grandiosity, a lack of sexual empathy, and a willingness to exploit others sexually. In other words, sexual narcissists think they deserve all the sex they want, expect sex on their terms only, won't take "no" for an answer, expect others to fulfill all their sexual needs, and believe that they're extremely good in bed.

Some of these features are admittedly kind of hot, in the right circumstances — that's why narcissists are relatively reproductively successful and continue to plague our social circles over time. So why should you avoid sexual narcissists (I mean, aside from the obvious reasons)? Well, as we mentioned earlier, it turns out that sexual narcissists are also more likely to cheat, even after being in control of their general satisfaction level within the relationship, not to mention in control of their overall sexual satisfaction. Moreover, sexual narcissists' beliefs that they rock their partners' world in bed may or may not actually be true, and you can be sure that they don't want to hear your constructive advice about their sexual techniques, either. If you want to slavishly devote yourself to getting someone else off, even though they're more likely to cheat on you and less likely to pleasure you back, then dating a sexual narcissist is right up your alley.

I hasten to add, however, that anyone can be a narcissist, sexually or otherwise. So if this sounds like you, some therapy might be in order. There's a big difference between holding out for a relationship that genuinely meets your various needs, and going through life expecting everyone you encounter to stroke your ego (in bed or out).

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