An "I Can't Breathe" Porn Parody Exists Because We Really Are Not Allowed to Have Nice Things — VIDEO

In "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things" news, porn purveyors BangBros have made an "I Can't Breathe" parody porn movie, inspired by Eric Garner's now-infamous last words before dying at the hands of an NYPD officer. Clearly, this is every shade of wrong for a number of reasons: Not only are they demeaning a very powerful movement, but they have made this depiction of it every bit as horrible as you can imagine. The video is called "Protester Exercises Her Right To Take Cock," and features white porn performer Marsha May protesting with the slogan "We Can't Breathe" in the streets of Miami before a bunch of similarly-portrayed jerkwads join her in the protest for the sake of getting it on with her, pull her into a van, and then do some really sexual things with money (for a good cause!), at which point we have to wonder what the purpose of using the Eric Garner slogan was in the first place (other than to create controversy and get attention, which admittedly, I am aware I am currently giving them).

Oh, no, wait—you already saw this coming—at one point, the actors start chanting "she can't breathe" during the blowjob scene. You know who can't? Me. All of us. We all cannot even right now.

While you're picking up the splintered pieces of your faith in humanity, the only thing that we can take some solace from is that this was 2014, and at least hasn't tainted the New Year with its unbelievable intolerance and disrespect. In the meantime, protests are still cropping up all over the nation fighting against racial injustice and police brutality, focusing on making actual change in the world.