It's here, it's here, it's finally here! Marvel's latest offering, Ant-Man starring the wonderful Paul Rudd, has finally gone from just an upcoming title to a highly-anticipated film with a full-length trailer. Of course, the phrase "full-length" might be a bit misleading as the Ant-Man trailer is only about a minute and a half long, but it's better than nothing, right? And it still features Paul Rudd. However, as I watched the trailer with bated breath, I couldn't help but feel more than a little... well, confused. And not just from the fact that the trailer was far more dramatic than one I was expecting for a film about a man who shrinks to the size of an ant.
Everything in the full-length trailer looks absolutely epic. If you didn't consider Ant-Man a real Marvel superhero before, then you definitely will by the end of this taste of the film to come. Despite his name and despite his powers, Ant-Man looks to be an action-adventure film on par with the first Iron Man or the second Captain America. (Okay, maybe not on par with the second Captain America...) However, I still have a few questions that the trailer left unaddressed and I can't wait until the movie comes out to get them answered.
1. What Is Paul Rudd Getting Arrested For?
The opening of the trailer features Rudd as Scott Lang, a thief who is being arrested for... what exactly? I mean, he's a thief, so obviously he's being arrested for stealing something, but what? The sheer amount of police and helicopters that come to arrest him makes me believe that whatever he's stealing is huge. Like government secrets or the President's dog.
2. Should You Really Work For Your Stalker?
All right, all right. I know that Hank Pym is actually Scott's mentor and the original Ant-Man, training Rudd to take his place. But, I mean, come on. When Hank says, "I've been watching you..." and this is immediately accompanied by a shot of him sitting in front of a bunch of TV monitors like he's in the Matrix or something, you have to stop and consider whether or not working for him is a good idea.
3. Who Designed This Costume?
Listen. Listen. Like I said, I know that Hank is mentoring Scott to take over as the new Ant-Man. And I know this is probably the Ant-Man costume updated for the modern generation (bonus points for not having antennae). But, seriously, who designed this costume? It doesn't look ant-like at all!
4. What Is Paul Rudd Running From?
Assuming that's Rudd, of course. That could be a young Hank Pym running. My question would remain the same, though. What is he running from? Or where is he running too? And why is he full-sized to do it?
5. Why Is This Company So Inefficient?
Your company has to be pretty inefficient for everyone in a business suit to all go on lunch break at the same time. Sorry, what? They're not going on lunch break? They're probably going to a huge meeting or going to look at their own Ant-Man technology? That's great, but who's left to run the company? Seriously, that looks like the entire population of a single floor following behind Darren Cross.
6. Why Didn't He Build Something More Useful?
Look at this lab. That is a lot of tech for such a small and simple lab. With all of that left over from having your company stolen by Darren Cross, you couldn't build something more useful than the Ant-Man technology? Like, something that gives you super strength without having to shrink so small that bugs are a legitimate threat?
7. Is This The Cutest Child In the World?
Nevermind. This question has an answer and the answer is yes. Sorry, Blue Ivy. Sorry, North West. Sorry, Prince George.
8. Why Didn't Paul Rudd Change Before This Moment?
I assume that it's very important Scott keep his Ant-Man gig a secret. You know how you keep things secret? By not showing up in your daughter's room wearing the costume. What if she opens her eyes? What are you going to say? Happy Halloween? Come on now, Scott, think!
9. When Did Paul Rudd Get A Six Pack?
Not that I am complaining, mind you.
10. Why Is There So Much Focus On Bugs?
I know it's called Ant-Man, but come on. Ew. I don't want to see bugs when they're small; why would I want to see them looking all gigantic because my film protagonist is smaller than they are? Surely there are better ways to illustrate how tiny Scott is now. How about we have him stand next to a packet of sugar or, like, a Cheez-It? Anything but a bug!
11. Was I Supposed to Not Laugh At This?
Guys. Guys. He's riding a fly! Some people have cars, some people run like Captain America, some people build Iron Man suits, and some people... ride flies. I don't know if it was meant to be funny, but it was my hands-down favorite part. I would watch the whole movie just to see this scene, even without the rest of the awesomeness.
12. Why Didn't The Title Shrink?
Marvel totally should have had the title of the film shrink down to ant-size as a demonstration. Now I am very disappointed it didn't happen.
13. Why Didn't Hank Change The Name?
Come on, Hank. You've had all this time since '63. You couldn't come up with a better name than Ant-Man?
Check out the amazing trailer below.