Kristen Schemes With Tom Sandoval's Alleged Miami Hookup On 'Vanderpump Rules', So Buckle Up for a SURricane

Well, my prediction that the Tom Sandoval/Annemarie face-off would happen during Monday night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules was incorrect. The face-off did not happen. Not yet. We must wait until next Monday. Next Monday, we will see Annemarie, the alleged Miami hookup, storm into SUR and ambush Tom Sandoval. Next Monday, Kristen will probably throw her head back and cackle with glee as all hell breaks loose. Next Monday, I will definitely throw my head back and cackle with glee as all hell breaks loose. I am SO stoked about this.

(For the record, I am not rooting against Tom Sandoval and Ariana's relationship. Frankly, I don't care who is telling the truth. I just love reality TV mayhem. And the alleged Miami hookup showing up to Tom Sandoval's place of work to tear him a new one is the textbook definition of reality TV mayhem.)

OK, enough about what's slated to go down in future eps. Let us live in the now: During this Monday's hour of power, Kristen runs up an outdoor staircase with a new character named Rachel. (Fun fact about Rachel: She is one of Jax's exes.) After jogging up a few steps, Kristen and Rachel pull over. Kristen seizes the pullover opportunity to hit Rachel with some dirt. (Quick clarification: Kristen shares gossip with Rachel. Kristen doesn't literally throw a fistful of soil at Rachel. But hey, stranger things have happened on this show.)

Kristen tells Rachel that Annemarie, the alleged Miami hookup, has reached out again. Kristen goes on to read Annemarie's text messages out loud. Here's the summary: Annemarie will be in Los Angeles, and she wants to put Tom Sandoval on blast while she's in town. Based on the messages Kristen reads out loud, I've thrown together a travel itinerary for Annemarie:

  • Land at LAX
  • Arrange for an Uber to shuttle you from LAX to SUR
  • Arrive at SUR
  • Ask Uber driver to wait 20 minutes
  • Stomp through SUR
  • Say hi to Kristen
  • Stomp up to SUR bar where Tom Sandoval is mixing cocktails
  • Yell at Tom Sandoval about whatever did or didn't happen in Miami
  • Yell at Tom Sandoval some more
  • Continue to yell until Tom Sandoval locks himself in a bathroom and/or you're escorted out by Manager Peter
  • Stomp out of SUR
  • Leave via Uber
  • It's a bit out of a detour, but stop at Mendocino Farms and order the Ham & Gruyere Grilled Cheese
  • Uber to LAX
  • Fly home

(If she wants to, I don't know, see the sights or whatever, the itinerary can be adjusted accordingly. I'm just going by what the text messages said. Oh, I guess I did add a Mendocino Farms stop. What can I say? I'm craving that sandwich right now. I couldn't help myself. I had to throw it on the list.)

Annemarie is ready to take Tom Sandoval DOWN. Kristen says she is nervous about what might unfold, but she is all for Annemarie confronting Tom Sandoval. Kristen thinks this could be what sinks the S.S. TomAndAriana once and for all.

I can't wait for Annemarie's arrival. Grab your umbrellas, because it looks like there's going to be a SURricane.

AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I know I said "live in the now," but I can't help myself. I am so excited for next week. It's going to be so beautiful.

P.S. If my friend stopped a workout sesh to read a bunch of intense DMs aloud, I'd be like, "YOU GET ME, NEVER CHANGE."

Images: Tommy Garcia/Bravo; sallychanscraps/tumblr