Children Eat Way Too Much Pizza, Says Study That We All Could Have Seen Coming

CHICAGO - MARCH 06: Deep dish pizzas are prepared at Connie's Pizza on March 6, 2008 in Chicago, Illinois. The cost of flour, a key ingredient in making pizza dough, has more than doubled in the past year because of high wheat prices caused by strong worldwide demand and increased price speculation. Connie's Pizza makes between 10 to 20 thousand pizzas each week. (Photo by Scott Olson/Getty Images)
Source: Scott Olson/Getty Images News/Getty Images

I always thought one of the greatest parts of being a child, even if you didn't know it at the time, was the ability to eat whatever you want because heart disease is a problem for Adult You (along with exercise and taxes). Researchers, however, have an entirely different life philosophy, judging from the new study showing that children are eating way too much pizza. Which means... Someone is advocating against pizza? How does that even happen? I trusted you, Science. WE ALL TRUSTED YOU.

The Illinois Prevention Research Center recently published a paper in Pediatrics indicating that pizza is the second-highest source of calories for kids between ages 2 and 18, second only to "grain desserts" like doughnuts, Jezebel reports. They also found that on the days that children eat pizza, they consume way more in sodium, calories, and fat than usual because they don't make up for it by eating less food afterward. Which brings me to a legitimate question here: Does anyone really plan their meals around two slices of pizza? Like, is that a thing that people other than the Gwyneth Paltrows and Bethenny Frankels of the world do? It sounds like a sad, sad way to live.

But nowhere near as sad as the life that lead author Lisa Powell is proposing. Unsatisfied with simply making children feel guilty for eating delicious bread covered in cheese and meat (what could possibly be unhealthy about that?), Powell has bigger plans: She wants to make pizza itself healthier. According to the New York Daily News, she claims that going after the source, along with just making kids eat less pizza, "could help lessen its negative nutritional impact" on children. And then she was struck by lightning on the spot for daring to voice such blasphemy.

All joking aside, pizza actually isn't so great for you if you eat too much of it. The crust itself isn't too bad, but once you start loading on high-fat stuff like pepperoni or sausage on top of the cheese, all bets are off. It's probably a good idea to exercise portion control, difficult as it may be when you're confronted with things like the Pillsbury Pizza Cake, but hey! When you're an adult, most of your life is spent making terrible decisions anyway. So go forth and eat pizza, dear readers, and above all, remember the immortal words of the great philosopher Daria:
pizza animated GIF

Images: lykaki-91/Tumblr, Giphy

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