Gwyneth Paltrow, better known as Goop or the launcher of a thousand "conscious uncoupling" memes, has been making headlines a lot recently to expound her usual amount of Goop-y wisdom. She has gotten candid about why her relationships with Ben Affleck and Brad Pitt didn't work out, she has sung hip-hop songs in Broadway style with Jimmy Fallon, and she has revealed she actually hates the term "conscious uncoupling." Now, Paltrow is talking about being friends with Beyoncé on Watch What Happens Live and what the best part of that is for her. And, okay, look, I'm not judging, seeing as Goop is the one who has the honor of being friends with Beyoncé and not me. It's just that the reason that she gave was... not what I was expecting.
"The greatest perk of being their friend is that I have a relationship with people who have similar... Obviously I'm not as famous or successful as they are, but I do have a life in the public eye and I have people to sort of walk through life with in that capacity, and they're very kind and loving people," she said in response to a call-in question. "And it almost means I get to be around their daughter, who I love so freaking much."
That's it? Jay Z and Beyoncé are kind and loving people? Well, duh. How is that the best part of being friends with them? That's the best part of being friends with anyone! Listen, Paltrow, I'mma let you finish, but there are at least nine better reasons why being Beyoncé's friend must be the most awesome thing ever...
1. She'll Invite You Over to Film a Music Video
Remember that time "7/11" leaked on the Internet and Beyoncé responded to the leak by inviting a bunch of friends to her house to film an impromptu music video for "7/11?" When you're friends with Queen Bey, you can expect such phone calls from her at any time of day.
2. You Get to Meet Blue Ivy
All right, so Goop made a good point. However, getting to meet Blue Ivy isn't just awesome because she's adorable. With two songs to her name and the best hair in the whole family, Blue Ivy is a bigger star than both of her parents put together. Being friends with Beyoncé puts you in the presence of child royalty.
3. You Get to Hear Her Music First
The only thing better than downloading a new Beyoncé track is listening to that new Beyoncé track at Beyoncé's house while Beyoncé offers you a mug of hot cocoa and asks you what you think.
4. She'll Take Selfies In Your House
All right, so this one wasn't taken in Paltrow's house. But, during the height of the rumors that Jay Z and Beyoncé were getting a divorce, Beyoncé did go to visit Her Royal Goopiness and take selfies in her house. The only thing that can make your house even better than it already is? Beyoncé being in it.
5. You Get Access to Her Awesome Wardrobe
I'm sure if you tell Bey that you like her hat, she'll buy you 12. She's like a more musically gifted Oprah.
6. She Knows All the Other Famous People
This woman has met the President and met Prince William and Kate Middleton. And she gave birth to Blue Ivy. Does being Beyoncé mean you attract famous people like magnets or does she simply make everyone else more awesome by being around them? Either way, you'll be rubbing elbows with the stars.
7. She Can Teach You Cool Dance Moves
Although, to be honest, I don't think anyone but Beyoncé can do what Beyoncé does without throwing out their back.
8. She Does a Lot of Cool Stuff
Impromptu trips to Paris? Go-Kart racing? Filming an impromptu music video in your house while your daughter is trying to take a nap? It's an adventure every day when you're hanging out with Bey.
9. She's Beyoncé
Beyoncé is the only person in the world who can be told she's Beyoncé and respond "thank you" — without everyone calling her a horrible narcissist. She's also, basically, the best friend you could ever have.
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