Has your brain been on the fritz lately? Have your conversations been all sorts of jumbled and problematic? It's not just you — Mercury is in retrograde, and it's effectively ruining your life. This solar system jerkstore decides to take a two or three-week vaca a few times throughout the year, slowing its orbit around the sun, and making it appear to be moving backwards. And then the whole universe wreaks havoc on your mental and emotional stability.
So why should any of us give a sh** about this? Well, according to astrologists, the god Mercury influenced travel, literature, and thieves, and he was known for being witty and kind of a trickster. And nowadays, the planet's orbit is known to rule communication and matters of the mind. When Mercury is in retrograde, it is recommended to allow for additional time when traveling, to look over contracts and documents at least three times before moving forward, and to wait to make any big decisions until retrograde has ended. In this case, that means putting off any major decisions until February 12. As much as it sucks to have miscommunications with coworkers or friends, it's kinda nice to have something to blame your word vomit and perpetual tardiness on. But if you're extra sensitive to this semi-annual event, here are all the extreme feels you're feeling because of Mercury (that little punk) in retrograde.
1. You're frustrated
You're thinking one thing, and it makes total sense in your head, but when you express yourself verbally, it's utter nonsense. Your brain is not doing its job, and in order to do... well, everything, you need clear communication.
2. You're stressed
This conversational f**kery is not getting any better, and now you've got beef with your BFFs and an annoyed boss. UGH.
3. You're all kinds of confused
You start to wonder how a planet millions of miles away is controlling you. How is this scientifically possible? It can't be real, can it?
4. You're nervous
We're still about two weeks away from this being over, and now you're afraid to open your mouth in any situation. What on Earth will come out of it? You don't even know anymore.
5. You're feeling powerless
Control is really the key to confidence, right? Once you know how you feel, you know how to carry yourself. But Mercury has gone and messed that all up, and now you're wandering around aimlessly with your shoulders in a deep and unflattering slump of fear.
6. You're sad
At first, you thought this "retrograde business" was total bull. But now that so many things have gone awry, you have never been more convinced of this planet's power, and it's upsetting because there are still people who don't believe in it — including your boss, who overheard you say that really stupid joke that came out extremely offensive even though that was not your intention.
7. You're relieved
After a bunch of consecutive blunders, you begin to lean into it a little bit and use it as a crutch. You said, "for all intensive purposes" on a conference call and were immediately able to bounce back because #MercuryinRetrograde.
8. You're hangry
All this stress is causing you to stress eat. And when you need to release that energy by ingesting a bucket of cookies and there isn't even one cookie in sight? Well, good luck everyone else.
9. You're LOSING. IT.
In the last week, you'll probably end up laughing like a maniac because you have completely lost your G-D mind and will not reclaim sanity until February 12.
10. You're determined
But hold up... There is NO WAY you can just sit back and let Mercury be in charge until mid-February. That's bananas. You will not let this retrograde defeat you.
11. You're stronger than ever before
Whether or not you made it through the entire retrograde block without any major issues, now you know what to expect. Next time, you will be prepared. And now that you're back on your game, you're ready to resume being your boss lady self.