To be frank, I definitely want Chris Soules to have sex in the tent on this week’s episode of The Bachelor, but I am here to be the bearer of bad news and tell you that the tent sex-gate is nothing more than a make out session. OK, I don't know for sure, but here's why I'm 99 percent certain I'm right.
As you are well aware at this point, bachelor Chris Soules loves to kiss, so much so that Becca is the only one who has refrained from making her move too soon (kudos, girl!). Everyone knows that Bachelor previews need to be taken with a grain of salt. I mean these editors should be nominated for Oscars considering the hours of footage they have to put together to make it look like sex tent happened.
ABC released the newest press release for the new episode and even they are just saying it's a make-out. Here’s the gist of what to expect on this episode: Chris takes some of the girls to a lake and it turns into a skinny dipping contest for two women who are then hardcore judged by the other women because that tends to happen. Kelsey, who hails from Michigan, is super unimpressed by the entire situation and hates on everything for pretty much the whole time they are staying on the lake. Everyone sets up their tents and obviously Chris has his own.
And this is where the good stuff comes in:
The press release states: “However, Chris won’t get much sleep. One assertive bachelorette sneaks into his tent in the middle of the night, shares a shocking revelation with him, and then a hot make-out session ensues.”
Guys, this is not a surprise. We know that Chris loves making more than he likes looking off into the distance and pondering about his future. We know that Chris likes making out more than he likes farming, which is pretty much his livelihood. So, based off that knowledge there are two things that could go down here:
- The girls all think more happened than actually did and trip out, because yeah, he shouldn’t be having sex randomly in a tent on the fourth episode, and Chris is not about to pull a Juan Pablo. He knows better than that.
- The girls freaking out in the preview literally have nothing to do with that and the editors are just that good. Seriously, someone get these people an Emmy.
Personally, I have my money on the second one. I always feel let down during the actual episodes because nothing is as crazy as they make it out to be, but they have to draw us in with the previews. Hey editors, I’m hooked, I literally don’t care who is on the show. I am opening a bottle of wine and watching.
So I apologize to these people, who seemed really really excited about sex tent-gate:
I feel like I am taking away their happiness. Although last week I spilled that the wedding crash scene was totally fake (way before Reality Steve posted about it, no big deal).
Images: Rick Rowell/ABC; Wiffle Gif (2)