When you think about Twitter, you probably don't think poetry. Actually, Twitter likely brings to mind things more along the lines of pizza exaltations and fart jokes coupled with itty bitty insights into celebrity goings on. It’s sort of hard to pen an adequate poem in 140 characters, anyway, unless you’re writing a haiku. And really, who even likes haikus? But, the absolute geniuses over at the Brazil Contemporary Art Center have put together a Twitter poem generator called Poetweet. So, if you had a hankering to dig a little deeper into the soul of your favorite celebrity tweeters, oh, you are in luck.
You see, what Poetweet does is create a poem (in one of three different styles: Indriso, sonnet, or Rondel) in the voice of whoever’s Twitter handle is submitted. So, obvs, I put some of our favorite celeb Twitter accounts into the magical machine and what came out was nothing short of inspired. In fact, they were all so good that I had to pit them against each other to sort out who spit the best game… figuratively, of course.
Oh yeah, that’s right. Welcome to the Celebrity Slam Poetry Battle, Twitter Edition. Not everyone will make it out alive. But, hopefully someone does.
Here goes nothin'.
Cats & Cussing, a Tale of Two Pop Stars: Taylor Swift Vs. Miley Cyrus
Winner: Taylor Swfit.
Why? Because it was "Purrrfect." ;)
The Kardashian Konundrum: Kim Vs. Khloe
Khloe Kardashian: Sonnet
Winner: Kim Kardashian
Mainly because Kim dug deep into her essence with "Diamond Ball," whereas Khloe played it safe. No risk, no reward, KoKo. My apologies.
The Lord And The Lady: Kourtney Vs. Scott
Scott Disick: Indriso
You Just Got Jennered: Kendall Jenner Vs. Kylie Jenner
Tom Hiddleston Vs. Emma Watson & 7 More Poetry Showdowns Between Your Favorite Celebs
Winner: Tom Hiddleston
The decision was made only after much deliberation. And, it wasn't easy considering just how much more enlightened these UK-born stars' poetry was than that of our American contestants. Oof.
But really, other than this, Emma over everything.
You Better Belieb This Scuffle Is Only Going In One Direction: Justin Bieber vs. Harry Styles
Winner: Harry Styles
By default. Because I just can't let Justin win.
Wit Wizards at War: Chrissy Teigen vs. Lena Dunham
Winner: Chrissy Teigen
Holy Kate Hudson, that was good. Also, horses are sort of hilarious.
Idk about you, but I smell a new reality TV show brewing...
Dibs on hosting.