It’s almost time for Spring Break, which means one thing: Millions of women are prepping to go barren as the tundra down there. Despite declarations that the full bush is back, the fact remains that Brazilian bikini waxes are still à la mode here in Generation Y. We firmly believe that the extra spring in our step is a symptom of a confidently manicured V, not the burning desire to keep freshly chafed skin six inches apart. No matter how high the pain quotient, many of us keep going back — because you can't beat the feeling of a really great wax. But how to get one?
Well, you wouldn’t book an appointment for highlights without a few precautionary measures, would you? No, you would spend days analyzing Yelp reviews, and ditch any stylist who didn't clean brushes between clients. So why should these hairs — the ones that adorn our Privatest Parts — get anything less than the royal treatment?
Whether it's skipping your morning latte, packing tweezers in your purse, or requesting a fresh pot of wax, the following steps can make your Brazilian bearable. Because even though paying a stranger to pour hot wax onto your lady bits sounds like something straight out of Homeland, it doesn't have to be so bad. There is such a thing as a happy, healthy wax.
As a Jewish woman of Eastern-European descent, you can trust that I know a thing or two about hair removal. (Real talk: My mother once nicknamed me "The Werewolf.") So here are my favorite tricks for the best possible wax, passed down by generations (or generation) of shaggy she-wolves.
1. Request A New Pot Of Wax Every Time
This sounds a little high maintenance, but it’s the only way to avoid double dipping. Those Popsicle sticks — the ones that transport fiery hell liquid onto your lady bits — are often reused throughout an appointment. And once a stick goes from vag to wax, the entire pot is contaminated.
Pro Tip: Schedule appointments for early in the day — even before work — when salons are most likely to procure a fresh pot of wax. You’ll definitely be awake after that!
2. Bring Your Own Tweezers
No amount of disinfecting or sterilizing should convince a woman to let communal tweezers near her nether regions. They’ve been with more women than Joey Tribbiani, and often come into contact with bodily fluids (like blood!). Make sure to bring your own set every time to avoid unwanted health risks.
Pro Tip: Ask for a hand mirror after the wax is complete, and have the technician tweeze away any lingering hairs with your pair.
3. Take A Bath One Hour Before
The same way a facialist steams clients before extractions, you can boost your Brazilian by taking a hot bath one hour before an appointment. The warmth will open up pores and soften hairs until they glide effortlessly from their follicles. Okay, maybe that’s bit of an exaggeration — but it definitely helps the process.
Pro Tip: Pre-wax tub time isn’t the appropriate occasion for exfoliation. Give yourself a scrub 24-48 hours before and after a wax, but never the day of.
4. Plan For A Wax One Week After Your Period
The first week after menstruation is the ideal time for a wax. Your pain tolerance is at an all time (or monthly) high, and you’ll avoid any cameos from Aunt Flo. Numb the pain even further by bringing a magazine, book, or well-equipped smartphone onto the table. You have no idea how many times Olivia Pope helped me through that final stretch!
Pro Tip: Supplement your pain tolerance by taking Advil or ibuprofen 30 minutes before an appointment.
5. Skip The Pre-Wax Coffee
Who needs a latte when you have an early morning wax to wake you up? Unfortunately, the acid and caffeine in coffee will stimulate your skin to feel everything. And while wine may also seem like a great pre-waxing ritual, it too will make your nerves light up faster than a shirtless photo of Ian Somerhalder.
Pro Tip: Try to drink at least 16 oz. of water immediately prior to your appointment. It’s never a bad idea to hydrate.
6. Treat Yourself Gently Afterwards
Even though the above tips are sure to guarantee a (nearly) painless wax, it's important to be aware of your post-wax limitations. Sex can be extremely painful the day of your appointment, and the gym is an absolute no-no. Be sure to avoid any activity that causes chafing and opt for loose fitting clothes (no leggings!).
Pro Tip: Splurge on a post-wax treat. You just paid a complete stranger to pour burning-hot liquid onto your body — only a donut is going to fix this. (Or at least numb the pain of your questionable life choices.)