It’s been at least a decade since I last wore a duster or a pair of platform foam sandals, but after revisiting the first episode of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen situation comedy So Little Time, I kind of want incorporate those clothing items back into my wardrobe. MK and Ash just make early ‘00s fashion look so cool! Yes, I re-watched the So Little Time pilot. (Why? I don't know, just seemed like it'd be a fun time. I wasn't wrong. I had a blast.) It was the first time I'd watched it since the short-lived show premiered on Fox Family Channel (ah, the age of Fox Family Channel) on June 2, 2001. While I like to think I have a terrific memory for this sort of thing ("this sort of thing" = tween sitcoms from the aughts), by minute two of the episode, it was very clear that I didn't remember much about the show.
Before I fired up the pilot, I made sure to jot down the details I could recall:
- Taylor Negron played Manuelo the housekeeper.
- They live in a bonkers-amazing beachfront mansion in Malibu.
- There are so many duster coats.
- Riley Carlson (Mary-Kate) has straight hair.
- Chloe Carlson (Ashley) has wavy hair.
The theme song is very catchy.
As I watched, I wrote down everything I didn't remember. The list is long. Here are the highlights:
- There are multiple fourth wall breaks.
- Both of the parents are fashion designers.
- This is what happens when Chloe has a brain freeze:
- “I picked up a book on Amazon dot com.”
- “I’m not going to the Billboard Music Awards with Lenny Kravitz wearing Madonna’s hand-me-downs."
- "You were just experimenting with some simple behavior modification techniques to determine if the behavior patterns of canines are uniform to those of higher mammals.”
- Riley and Chloe casually joke around about being conceived in a Fiat with their parents
- Travis's shorts happen:
- Larry Slotnick’s shorts happen:
- Larry Slotnick gets fleas, wears a dog cone:
While we're on the subject of Larry Slotnick, HOLY CRIPES LARRY SLOTNICK. I wouldn't say I forgot about the character of Larry. That would suggest I unintentionally let the memory of Larry slip away. Instead, I deliberately pushed the character out of my mind. But now he is back in my mind. I'm coping as best I can.
Larry is a teen boy who has what some might call an unhealthy obsession with Riley. He's a live wire who makes Gotham's Edward Nigma seem like a chill dude. The other SLT characters think Larry's nothing more than a socially awkward kid with a big crush, and that's the extent of their negative feelings about Larry. I seem to be the only one who thinks Larry is a red flag personified.
Here are some of the noteworthy things Larry "Red Flag" Slotnick does in the pilot:
- He shamelessly peeps into Chloe and Riley’s bedroom (which, given the height of the windows, requires the assistance of a pogo stick/trampoline/Moon Shoes).
- He drops by the Carlson house unannounced and invites himself in.
- He tells Riley and Chloe's mom, Macy, what Riley smells like.
- He lets Macy know he wants to have Riley’s baby.
- He shamelessly and unapologetically ogles the chest of Tedi, Macy's supermodel friend.
- After he stops ogling the chest of Tedi the supermodel, he says, “Don’t tell Riley about us.”
- After handing Macy a piece of broken rain gutter (and yes, he destroyed the rain gutter while peeping in the window), Larry says he "lost it over Riley again."
That last one is the most telling. He acknowledges he "lost it over Riley again." So not only does Larry cross lots of lines, but he knows he does it.
Larry is not my favorite. Needless to say, I do not ship Larry and Riley.
I couldn't remember what happens to Larry over the course of the one-season series, but I needed the answer, STAT. I wasn't about to plow through 25 more episodes in a sitting (I had so little time, but too many eps to watch). To the Google I go!
Before I looked up Larry spoilers online, I made a few predictions:
GUESS 1: He sneaks into the Carlson house, collects Riley's hair from her hairbrush, and creates a hair doll.
GUESS 2: He builds and moves into a treehouse directly across from Riley and Chloe's windows.
GUESS 3: He gives Riley a baby simulator doll for her birthday and says it's so she can practice for their future.
GUESS 4: He convinces Riley to ride a Ferris wheel with him. He pays the ride operator to stop the wheel once his and Riley's cart is at the very top. And then, he tells Riley the wheel won't start up again until she says she loves him. (It's the terrifying version of that Marissa/Ryan moment from The O.C.)
GUESS 5: He gets a tattoo on his back. It's Riley's face plus the lyrics to "I Will Always Love You".
GUESS 6: He moves to Gotham and becomes a super villain named Red Flag.
Oh. Huh. OK, then. Maybe he calms down after a few episodes and becomes totally endearing? OR MAYBE! He learns dark magic, concocts a love potion, and dumps said potion in Riley's Jamba Juice. I'm going with the latter.