Paris Hilton Cleaned Out Her Closet And I Would Gladly Take These 22 Things Off Her Hands — You Know Because I'm So Generous
It may have been awhile since you've heard Paris Hilton's name. Just a couple of days ago, she reminded us of those times she was everywhere (TV, ads, magazines, music videos, etc.) when Paris Hilton decided to clean out her closet — in the literal sense — and share the results on Instagram. Actually, it looked like more of an extra bedroom stuffed with clothes than your typical closet. Life goals.
The superstar and heiress to the Hilton hotel throne has taken quite the step back from her Simple Life and best friend-seeking days. Lucky for us, however, it looks like Paris has kept every outfit she has ever worn in her life. The room was stacked with clothes, a wall of shoes and a display case of jewelry and handbags. She was always a woman of interesting and daring fashion choices. Looking closely at her closet, I could see some costumes worn during The Simple Life and My New BFF. It took me straight back to sitting on the couch with my sister and a bowl of popcorn and endlessly laughing at whatever job she was trying to accomplish. My heart and my laughs went out to her.
Now that I see she's cleaning out her closet, I've gathered a list of outfits I would gladly take off her hands. You know, just to help a friend out. I suggest you listen to this and take a trip down memory lane with me.
1. The Sisterly Love Here
In an ad campaign for Roberto Cavalli, the sisters wore matching animal print dresses. Apparently Paris liked the dresses enough to post a #tbt. I like them enough to wear as a matching Halloween costume with my sister.
2. The Egyptian-Barbie Shoes
I remember when I first saw these on season 1 of The Simple Life. They were the best things ever to my fifth grade self. And I was actually trying to think through how 1) she was going to drive that monstrous truck in those and 2) how she could hitchhike in them. Thankfully, I don't think she did not do either, so I will take them from her hands.
3. Her Hell's Belles T-Shirt
I was legitimately surprised when both Paris and Nicole Ritchie wore T-shirts on The Simple Life. To be clear, I was in fifth grade at the time and didn't think celebrities owned T-shirts. Also, this was a reminder that she was both "ghetto" because she had lights under the pink truck they drove across country and a biker-girl because of this shirt.
4. This Hooded Glam... Thing
In her photoshoot for Marie Claire last month, Hilton was stylized in this hooded glam dress. Don't get me wrong, this actually looks like the perfect combination of comfortable and couture. I'm sure that she got to keep the dress and I am sure that I would wear it just around my house.
5. The Infamous Sonic Costume
One of Hilton's and Ritchie's odd jobs on season 2 of The Simple Life was at a Sonic drive-thru. We had the pleasure of watching them frolic around the town in these Sonic costumes to promote the yummy burgers. And it was the funniest episode ever. Lately Hilton has been opting for more skin in her Halloween costumes, so I would gladly save this costume for myself next year.
6. Her Collection Of Flower Clips
Even today, Hilton always has the perfect matching flower clips she frequently uses to complete her outfits. Her one-time guest appearance on The O.C. was no exception. But some of those flowers aren't the only pieces of jewelry I wouldn't mind having, I'll also take that diamond skull necklace. I wouldn't wear either of them, I'll just take them to save her from ever trying to match a flower and a skull necklace again. She really can't suppress her inner biker babe.
7. This Red Dress
Those shoes + the scarlet red dress + that headband. I really can't say no. Even if it won't fit.
8. One Of Her Princess Outfits, Because She Definitely Has Plenty To Spare
Literally ever year Paris goes as a Princess for at least one Halloween party. And this outfit happened to have the frilliest skirt ever, so I liked it the best. I'm sure she wouldn't even notice if it were suddenly missing from her closet.
9. Her Moschino Barbie Stuff
Moschino's Spring 2015 Barbie-inspired line was brilliant. I just think the heiress has played the Barbie card too much. It's time to purge the closet of all Pantone #219C things — and give them to me instead.
10. Fur-Embellished Business Suits
It becomes less of a business suit and more of a statement. And we all know Paris is a business woman now. So I'll just take this one.
11. This Tie-Dye/Graffiti/Printed Dress
No matter how many times I've watched the second season's pilot of The Simple Life I can never make out what print is actually on this dress. But her and Ritchie matched and the flower clips are back, so that's all that really matters.
12. This Ironic T Shirt
I totally love that she feels the same way about Beyonce as we do. I need this. So much.
13. Even More Pink Stuff
Paris, I'm gonna do you a favor and take that adorable pink hoodie off your hands so you can experiment with some other colors.
14. Her 21st Birthday Dress
There's more body than dress. And this was 12 years ago, so it's just time to let it go.
15. This Leopard Shirt Thing
Until putting this list together, I never realized how much Paris really likes leopard print. Hilton wore this shirt, which was worn as a dress, in her Stars are Blind music video. It has diamond string sleeves and is paired with chunky round earrings. Also, I totally forgot Paris was a singer and now a DJ!
16. All The Simple Life Costumes Ever
I loved the show, but half of our laughs were because of the outfits the pair thought were acceptable. I'm sure it was for publicity sake, but I hope these were cleaned out of her closet. In addition to the ad, Hilton tried on this particular outfit as an option to wear to the town fair, at which her and Ritchie worked the kissing booth.
17. This Camo Hat + Overalls Outfit
On second thought, she can keep this.
18. Her Travel Outfit
Proving yet again she's just like us, Hilton showed us how she travels. But these days, celebrities have stepped up their travel game, so she should, too. Also, I just want this.
19. Her Lace-Up Pants
Confession: In the early 2000s, I had a pair of lace-up jeans, too. But they were not maroon and they did not show any part of my skin. It's time for these to go.
20. Again With the Princess Costumes
Wait a minute, did Hilton just borrow my childhood dance costume? Without asking?
21. Bright Green Floral Shirt + Blue Eyeshadow
There's a time, a place and a way to apply blue eyeshadow. This was not quite the way. I'll be taking the shadow, the bright green floral shirt and that floral hair clip until she can use all three responsibly.
22. Anything Bedazzled
How fun to look back at her first ad campaign, but that bedazzled denim jacket is just too much. She can hand me anything bedazzled, in fact.
Image: Getty; Paris Hilton/Instagram (10); The Simple Life (2); Giphy (10)