Love is in the air, birds are chirping, candy is readily available, blah blah blah. More like, commercial love is being shoved down our throats, birds are nestled in their bird houses because it's too f***ing cold to chirp, and candy that doesn't even taste good is being sold for $8 per pound. This is the season of misery, and if you're single, you're forced to experience a national holiday that screams, "You can't sit with us!" right in your face. Yeah, that's right — Valentine's Day is the WORST.
Perhaps the holiday was invented to brighten the lives of humans during winter, wherein we're all battling a serious case of SAD. And maybe it was originally a celebration of love in all forms, from happy couples to loving families to the best of friends. Maybe somewhere down the line it was pushed into a "couples only" box and is still clawing its way out. Maybe 20 years from now, it'll be a holiday that's marketed to everyone who has ever felt true and honest love, and it'll be an awesome reflection of society's progress in equality. But regardless of how this holiday began, and where it might end up, it still very much sucks bananas today. Here are all the reasons why.
1. It's too expensive
Chocolate, steak, and alcohol are all marked up by 300 percent (or something) just because retailers and restaurants know that consumers will pay it. It is an OUTRAGE.
2. It's too clique-y
The most important form of love a person can experience is self-love, yet this holiday is all about having a significant other. Don't get me wrong, being in love with another person is swell, but that doesn't make it OK for single people to feel like they don't belong. Did Regina George invent V-Day? Because on February 14, "we wear pink."
3. It has the worst color scheme
Speaking of pink, this is the ugliest holiday of the year because pink and red put together will forever be hideous. When I look at Valentine's Day colors, I picture blood and cotton candy. Or uncooked chicken and red balloons. Or cough syrup and cough syrup. I mean, maybe I'm just insane, but these colors together are not cute.
4. It's too crowded
If you choose to leave your house on Valentine's Day, you better have made a reservation two months ago. Everyone is everywhere and everything is the worst.
5. It's one giant commercial
He went to Jared. I'm lovin' it. Satisfied? Any of these tag lines will be uttered on Valentine's Day. See what I mean?
6. It encourages superficiality
Because the only way to express your love for someone is by giving them a pile of things they don't really need, right? Cool.
7. It sets couples up for failure
Men don't have it easy on Valentine's Day. I mean, I know they have it easy the other 364 days, but this day is definitely a struggle. Really, nobody has it easy, because at some point it became crucial to receive the shiniest Valentine's Day gift along with the biggest possible gesture. Who can live up to that? Nobody.
8. It breeds unfair expectations
If you're in a long-term relationship and are hoping to get married one day, then either you or your SO is wondering if a proposal is about to go down. And if that doesn't happen, disappointment will ensue and the relationship will be heavily evaluated. How fun.
9. It's a waste of time
Because shouldn't we be expressing our love in ways that actually matter, every day of the year? Yeah, so maybe just stay in and sit this one out.