V-Day, According To Brandi Glanville & Kim Zolciak

Valentine’s Day isn’t for everyone. And, that means that if you’re not in the celebrating mood on that particular day, or, if you don’t have any meaningful plans, it might be difficult to know what exactly to do with your damn self. Because, news flash, there are a lot of other people who do like Valentine’s Day and intend on celebrating it to the fullest extent. Which is totally cool for them, and you’d never begrudge anyone their right to love up on each other, but if you don’t observe the holiday, it can be awkward and uncomfortable. And, it can cause you to have extra anxiety piled up onto your already heaping plate of worry. So, if you’re feeling this way, don’t fret, because Real Housewives Brandi Glanville and Kim Zolciak are here to help you navigate Valentine’s Day like two slightly misguided angels.

I know, Brandi and Kim wouldn’t be first on my list to seek out this sort of advice from, either. But, if you keep an open mind you’ll find that these ladies may actually be a little wiser and more in tune to our feelings than we give them credit for.

Here’s how to navigate Valentine’s day via Brandi and Kim:

Wake up in the morning like:

Responds to your friend's text, "It's Valentine's Day :/" as so:

But respond to your ex's text, "Hey." Like this:

Plan your day and get out of bed:

Eat whatever the fuck you want for breakfast:

Take a shower:

Get dressed:

Go to work, no matter how much you don't want to:

Pretend to be happy for all the people who got flowers:

Make an excuse not to go out to lunch with your co-workers who received said flowers:

Realize whatever you said to them is going to screw you over at a later time:

Go home and try to avoid eye contact with everyone you walk past:

Arrive home and stare into the eyes of your incredibly judgmental dog:

As Taylor Swift has now probably copyrighted, "Shake it off":

Receive last minute plans and accept out of desperation:

Then cancel, because you're better than that:

Besides, restaurants on Valentine's Day?

Stealthily make your way to the liquor store:

Return with one thing in mind:

Sit by the fire:


Call up your other single girlfriend and invite her over:

Start re-watching New Girl from the pilot episode together:

Realize that sitting at home with your best gal, a bottle of wine, Zooey Deschanel, and Jake Johnson was all you wanted to do this Valentine's Day, anyway:

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