Hopefully you’ll be spending Valentine’s Day with your Prince Charming celebrating your undying eternal love for one another in the most unique, befitting fashion, but if you’re single and decidedly unready to mingle, you’re going to need a distraction to get you through the day… preferably a stiff one — (oh get your mind out of the gutter, I’m talking about the other kind of stiff one: the alcohol kind) — which is why I created the ultimate Valentine’s Day drinking game to get you good and sloshed and completely oblivious to your romantic failings.
And when you wake up on Sunday with a raging headache and no one to share it with, maybe you’ll open your mind a little about the possibility of love. Maybe Roger, the weird “toy guy” at work who keeps asking you out, won’t seem quite so weird. (Actually, that dude IS weird… Go with your gut on that one.) Maybe you’ll be a titch more receptive when an eligible bachelor or bachelorette makes a move. What I’m saying is that sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can properly pick yourself back up, and I would be so honored if this drinking game were your rock bottom!
So it’s time to break out the vodka and cheers to low points and how much love sometimes sucks! Get your drink on, you lonely, miserable minx.
- Every time your mom makes an optimistic comment about your solo V-Day plans: Take a shot.
- Every time you see an uggo carrying a dozen roses: Take a nip off your flask and mutter "life's not fair."
- Every time someone kisses and you hear any sort of audible smooch: Take 3 shots. (And also wash your ears, they're contaminated now.)
- Every time a rom-com comes on TV: Take a shot... and do NOT change the channel!
- Every time Sally publicly fakes her orgasm: Slam a beer.
- Every time Patrick Swayze rescues Baby from the corner and they have the time of their life dirty dancing on each other: Finish that bottle of white that's been in the fridge for three-plus months because WHOOOOOO I still believe in love!!
- Every time you get a group V-Day text from somebody that you haven't talked to in years: Take a shot.
- Every time someone grams a bouquet of flowers from their valentine: Take a shot and rip a single hair from your scalp.
- Every time one of your Facebook friends announces their engagement: Take a shot. (Way to pick an original date, Darrell and Sam and Maxwell and Brad and...)
- Every time you look at your ex's Facebook profile: Throw up... or at least try, you masochist!
Images: Warner Bros; Giphy (2)