Oh sh**. Those are the two words you utter in sheer panic because you just realized Valentine's Day is here, and you have yet to buy your loved one something shiny and new. You completely forgot about the impending holiday of love, and now you're out of time. How could you have forgotten? They've only been showing V-Day-themed diamond ring commercials every five minutes since New Year's. Blerg. Now what? Are you now limited to whatever is left in the CVS seasonal aisle? THE HORROR.
Well first, just slow your roll. This is an insanely overhyped holiday anyway, so nothing you get will meet your SO's expectations. Knowing that, we're all programmed to take a step back after gifts are exchanged and acknowledge that this commercial holiday is BS, and it's really the thought that counts. Get something made of chocolate, something soft and cuddly, and a few balloons for some helium fun, and you're all set. But that first realization that you forgot a major holiday is a wild ride of emotions. You experience so many feelings and thoughts within a 60-second period, it's a wonder that your heart didn't literally explode into 25 mini red hearts all over your favorite hoodie. Here is a step-by-step recap of your emotional journey through this shocking discovery.
There's something amiss. Something you forgot to do. But what? Did you forget to unplug your curling iron? Is it Aunt Jenny's birthday?
No. Valentine's Day isn't for another few weeks. It seems like just yesterday you were jotting down your New Year's resolutions. There's still time.
3. Utter shock
Oh. Em. Gee. It is. It is Valentine's Day. There's no time left. You have no gift to give your beloved. This is a disaster!
How could you have forgotten? Every storefront is splattered with pink and red. Is there something wrong with your brain? Is your memory failing you? Is it time to start taking ginkgo biloba supplements?
OK, you can do this. All you need is something yummy and a meaningful gesture. That's all Valentine's Day is, right? How much time do you have? You can probably cut out of work early. And you have at least $40 to spend on whatever you find.
WHY ARE THERE ONLY 10-LB BAGS OF CANDY HEARTS LEFT? This cannot be your gift.
It's hopeless. You blew it. You might as well settle on a plate of instant mac and cheese with a bow on top because that's all you have time to put together at this point. Game over.
You know what? Everything will be just fine. This is just one day. There are 364 others for expressing your love. In fact, a fancy dinner out tomorrow will be less crowded, and less expensive. So despite being a day late, this is a much better Valentine's Day gift anyway.
Image: Mindy Kaling/FOX; Giphy (8)