Kristen's Phone Is A Hot 'VPump' Reunion Topic

by Kristie Rohwedder

The Vanderpump Rules Season 3 home stretch hath begun: Monday night, Bravo aired the first part of the reunion special. Andy Cohen and the Vanderpumpers discussed and argued about (oh my god, there was so much yelling) Miami Girl, Miami John, what did or didn’t happen in San Diego, Stassi's beef with the majority of the cast, and more. But there was one moment that really stuck with me: After Andy remarked that viewers assumed Kristen deliberately left her phone unattended and unlocked at that Miami restaurant during Scheana's bachelorette weekend, Kristen denied it up and down. And when her fellow cast mates expressed doubt, she maintained that it wasn't her intent to lure the others into reading her text conversation with James. Not only did she say she didn’t think anyone at that table would snoop through her unattended cell phone*, but she acted as though it’s never dawned on her that a person might snoop through an unattended cell phone. Wait, seriously? Either Doute’s full of shadoobie, or Doute runs around with an especially trustworthy group of folks who have never messed with each others' cellular devices.

OK. Say the latter is the case. Say Kristen really has never experienced a friend reading her text messages without her permission. Say Kristen has never, I don't know, forgotten her cell at a buddy's apartment, only to find out later that her buddy has “tweet-jacked” her (i.e., tweeted embarrassing things from her account). And say Kristen has never left her cell in a bedroom at a party, only to discover her pals took pictures of their elbow creases with her phone camera (aka The Armbutt Trick). And say Kristen has never asked a chum to hold her phone while she washes her hands, only to realize that in the 30 seconds she had her hands underneath the faucet, her chum sent a mass armbutt picture text from her phone. If all of that is the case, Kristen is a lucky person. To not know the fear of the armbutt is a privilege. (Am I speaking from personal experience? MAYBE.)

Oh, wait. Wait wait wait wait wait. REMEMBER WHEN KRISTEN USED TO SNOOP THROUGH TOM SANDOVAL'S PHONE ON THE REGULAR? She's a pro at cell phone snooping. She should know better than to leave her phone alone because she knows better than anyone what happens when a phone is left alone. You almost had me fooled, K. Doute. You almost had me fooled.

*It's a shame Andy didn't call in Vail to give her side of the story. I would've given a lock of my hair away to hear her explain what it means to be a seeker of light again.

No joke, that "I am a seeker of light" talking head was a season highlight.

Images: Nicole Wilder/Bravo; bricesander/tumblr