If you’re in a long-term relationship, decoding text messages (and sexts!) from your mate has hopefully become less stressful and more fun. But like chewing gum and walking, navigating booty calls, new crushes and early relationships is a bit of a minefield as it is, and can become a living nightmare when ambiguous texts are thrown into the mix. For some, emojis complicate everything further; for others, trying to decide what kind of punctuation to use or decode other people's punctuation (a different kind of O.P.P.) is enough to cause a small-scale meltdown. Back in the 1950s, many moons before smartphones hit the scene, psychologist Albert Mehrabian found that just 7 percent of communication is verbal, which leaves the other 93 percent to be lost in the satellites when it comes to texts (and sexts). It's enough to make a person want to never send a text again, only that person would immediately become obsolete and may or may not wind up dying alone (TBD).
To that end, here’s a compilation of 15 fairly common texts (all of which I may or may not have received personally), complete with translation to cut through all the vague uncertainty and straight to the fun part: the chase.
1. “Want to come over and watch a movie?”
2. A single heart emoji at midnight
3. A random emoji that could be construed as mildly sexual
4. “Coffee sometime?”
5. “Can’t do this week. Maybe some other time?”
6. “Whoops, totally forgot to write back!”
7. “Didn’t see this until now.”
8. “Send me something hot.”
9. “What are you doing?”
10. “Super busy week, but are you around after 11?”
11. “I need you.”
12. A photo of someone’s genitals
13. A link to something random
14. A link to something related to a conversation you’ve had recently
15. “Hi” (or the waving hand emoji, or some other random emoji apropos of nothing)
Basically this is a lazy “thinking of you” text, without putting much effort or feeling into it. If you want, just send a simple “Hi” back (after letting enough time lapse that you don’t appear too eager, natch). Ball: back in the opposite court. Boom.
Ta-da! Texts, decoded. Good luck out there.
Images: Fotolia; WiffleGif (4), Giphy (13)