Why I Don't Shy Away From Having Sex On The First Or Second Date — And Why You Shouldn't, Either
When it comes to sex and relationships, everyone is different. Take Bustle's Natalie Lusinksi, for example, who wrote recently about why she waits 90 days before having sex with someone. It was an interesting and unique perspective I hadn't heard from anyone before; by my experience, people usually approach sex from an all-or-nothing angle. Myself, though? I'm of the complete opposite mindset and am usually not only comfortable having sex on the first or second date, but am also a huge proponent of it. Obviously everyone should do what works best for them in all aspects of their life, sex included; so, if you're someone who likes to wait, then go ahead and wait (Lusinski makes some excellent points). In the interest of offering a counterpoint, though, here's why I think having sex on the first date may be something worth embracing — or at least considering.
Though there's a lot of value in waiting, I think people oftentimes ignore or undermine the value of being sexually active with your partner sooner, rather than later. How you feel about someone before and after you've been physically intimate with them can vary significantly (for better or worse); for a lot of people, sex, touching, and physicality are some of the primary ways of expressing love and closeness.
That all being said, I write this as a lesbian woman who doesn't have to worry about pregnancy and has a lower risk of getting STIs. Because the risks are much lower, it's much easier for me to have sex with other women. But no matter your sexual orientation, everyone has their own definition of sex. Here are some reasons why getting it on with someone early in the relationship can be a good thing:
1. Having sex allows you to get to know the person not only physically, but also emotionally.
Sharing something as intimate as your body and letting someone else interact with you in ways that not everyone does can oftentimes leads to a bond beyond that's more than just physical. Sex can oftentimes lead to more intimate conversations (we've all been there: The deep, loving, post-coitus cuddle where we reveal our deepest, darkest secrets to one another) that make your connection with the other person stronger. The sooner you are able to form that bond, the better. Why wait to connect with someone who you're so excited to get to know?
2. Sex just gets better and better the more you have it.
Many women often regret waiting until their wedding night to have sex because — guess what? — it usually sucks. When you don't have experience with exploring the other person's body, the first time might not be so stellar and may also make you lose faith in sex as anything of value. When you start having sex with someone early, you're not only able to learn what they like and how they like it (and vice versa!), but you also get to learn the nuances and intricacies of their body — which, in turn, makes experimentation that much easier and that much more fun. In my experience, when you start having sex with someone new, it takes a while for you to truly reach a place where everyone is comfortable asking for what they want and navigating the other person's body well enough to give them maximum pleasure. Practice makes perfect!
3. You'll be able to learn right away whether or not you're sexually compatible with your partner(s).
While emotional compatibility is certainly important, for some people (including myself!) sexual compatibility may be just as important. As a kinky woman, if my partner just wants to have standard, vanilla sex, I'm going to be less inclined to want to devote time and energy to her. It's very important for me to be able to sexually satisfy my partner and feel satisfied myself, and if the things that get me going are a turn-off to her, there could be a lot of room for resentment in the future. When you start having sex sooner with your partner, these issues get ironed out early; then there are no surprises when someone asks for something towards which you could feel negatively.
4. Orgasms are really good for you!
If you still don't believe me about why having sex sooner, rather than later is great, various research and scientific studies have shown myriad health benefits of orgasms, including alleviating the common cold, lowering depression and anxiety, battling breast cancer, burning calories, helping you fall asleep, making your cramps go away, repairing your skin and make it look younger, and keeping your brain sharp. All those are really good things — so why not achieve them while helping someone else do it, too?
Images: See-ming Lee/Flickr; Giphy (4)