If One Direction Were The Spice Girls, Who Would Each Member Be? Well, Besides The Obvious
I never thought the day would come when there were four members of One Direction instead of five, but it has happened. If you were hoping to wake up and find out that it was all a dream, unfortunately, the cold, hard reality of the world we live in is that Zayn Malik has left One Direction shortly after announcing he'd be absent for the rest of their tour. The news basically broke the Internet and turned every Directioner into a broken-hearted pile of tears, but if you're over the age of 23 or so, you probably already know how to handle this kind of earth-shattering shakeup, because we millennials have done this before. We have lost a beloved band member, and we have learned to love again. And yes, I am talking about Ginger leaving the Spice Girls.
The year was 1998. We were all still using AOL on dial-up. There was no such thing as Twitter, and we had to process the news alone, without the help, comfort, and memes of fellow Spice Girl obsessives. And as far as I'm concerned, Malik leaving the band makes One Direction that much more similar to the group. In a lot of ways, they were the female One Direction — British, international pop stars with catchy music and a five-person ensemble that eventually turned into four. It was rocky, but they managed to make it work. Not for too long after Ginger left, but I think One Direction definitely has a better future ahead.
And now, we are obviously left with one all important question: If Malik is Ginger Spice, who are the rest of the guys?
As the youngest member of One Direction, Styles is obviously Baby Spice. The young thing isn't all they have in common, either — when you look at Baby Spice, you imagine that she's a kitten, and I feel the same way about Styles, except he'd be a puppy (obvs). Baby also went solo after the Spice Girls went their separate ways, and I can totally see Styles doing the same — you know, in the unlikely event that the remaining members of One Direction decide to break up, which will never, ever happen. Right? Right, guys?
Tomlinson is obviously Sporty Spice — he even shares the same love for football (silly Brits, it's called soccer) that Mel C. always had. In fact, he owns his own league, the Doncaster Rovers, so he and Sporty would probably have a lot to talk about if they ever decided to grab coffee... or, like, Gatorade or something.
Being that Horan is one of the goofiest members of One Direction, he's definitely Scary Spice's soulmate. If anyone was going to wear horns on his head, it would be Horan, and he would wear them with pride. And no offense to Mel B., but Horan would probably look way better in them.
Payne is definitely Posh, mostly because he's the classiest, most adult member of the entire group. I can totally see him pulling a Victoria Beckham and growing up to basically be British royalty without actually being royal. I also wouldn't be surprised if he became a fashion designer later in his life. Upscale fashion for serious, classy men, of course.