1D Fans Are Trying To Literally Buy The Band

On Wednesday, after news broke that Zayn Malik was leaving One Direction, I knew that the reaction from Directioners wasn't going to be good. As a huge fan of the band myself, I personally wasn't too upset — Harry Styles is my favorite, and less Malik means more Styles, naturally — but a quick scan of Twitter proved that the rest of the fandom didn't feel the same way. It was basically the social media version of that scene in Mean Girls where everyone in the school turns into jungle animals. Fans were pissed, heartbroken, and even threatening to sell their tickets for future tour dates. And then, of course, there was the most irrational (but also most creative) reaction of all: The One Direction fans who have decided to buy One Direction.

No, seriously, this is a thing that's happening. After a few fans found the buyout clause in 1D's management contract, they realized it would only take $877 million to essentially buy control of the band, at which point they want to reunite Malik with his now former bandmates and do things the way the boys want to do them.

In a fantasy kind of way, it sounds like a wonderful idea. In a reality kind of way? I'm not 100 percent sure contracts actually work that way. And really, would One Direction ever agree to let a group of (mostly) teenage girls call the shots in their careers? Do the guys actually feel like they're being held captive, or do they feel like they're making millions of dollars that will allow them to retire at 30 and live the rest of their lives without lifting a finger?

The fans definitely seem convinced that One Direction needs some rescuing, though, and as of Thursday afternoon, they'd managed to raise $926 — nowhere near their goal, but it still proves that there are actual, real people willing to chip in to buy One Direction. As implausible as I find this entire plan, I have to admit that I would love to own Harry Styles. And if they are successful, there are a few things the fans should ask the band to do as part of their new contract.

Record An All *NSYNC Cover Album

Including "Girlfriend," for which Nelly is required to return. I also want them to recreate every major music video, especially the one where they're marionettes.

Bring Back Meet And Greets

Once upon a time, One Direction sold meet and greet tickets to their tours. And, of course, as soon as I saved up the ungodly amount of money it would take to buy one on their next tour, they stopped offering them. I'd like to see a return so that I can finally get a photo with Styles kissing me on the cheek, and they should probably be a bit discounted, because the prices are outrageous and I'm not a wealthy individual.

Duet With Beyoncé

I cannot think of a more epic collaboration. I wouldn't be opposed to Jay Z dropping a verse, either. Could you imagine? It would be the biggest song ever.

Institute 1D Day Every Year

2013's 1D Day was the best day in the world. OK, I (and the rest of the world) got nothing done the day that One Direction and their various celeb guests took over the Internet for the entire day, but it was so many hours of nonstop entertainment. Plus, we got the legendary "Talk Dirty" music video out of it. I need more!

Cut Harry Styles' Hair

I've never been fond of the man bun, and at this point, it's just getting gross. Bonus points if I personally get to take scissors to his unruly mane.

More Fan Interaction On Social Media

I admit that I think Taylor Swift can do no wrong regardless of what she's doing, but I think she's really onto something with this whole Tumblr/Instagram interaction thing with her fans. Although 1D will occasionally reply to and follow fans on Twitter, they aren't quite as accessible as Swift, and I can't imagine they're much busier than she is. All I'm saying is that I'd like a pep talk from the guys if I post a sad selfie, and I don't think that's too much to ask.

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