I Want To Live In MJ & Janet's "Scream" Video

by Kristie Rohwedder

One of my favorite TV programs as of late is Fuse’s Absolute Pop: From Madonna to Miley. It’s just hours upon hours of pop music videos, which is basically my idea of heaven on Earth. Last Friday afternoon, I flipped on the “Eye-Popping” hour while I folded laundry. Sandwiched in between Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis’s “Can’t Hold Us” was the music video for Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson duet “Scream”. As soon as the siblings’ award-winning music video began, I dropped the pair of socks I was rolling together, cranked up the volume on my TV, and stared at the screen. My eyes began to itch and sting, but I would not blink. I don't care if I have to have my eyeballs replaced, I thought. I can't miss a millisecond of this perfection.

Reportedly the most expensive music video of all time, “Scream” cost a whopping $7 million to make. (To put it into perspective: The trip to Mars that is the video for Britney Spears’s 2000 hit “Oops! …I Did It Again” cost $750,000.) It was shot in 1995, but it holds up better than some of the music videos that were released just a year ago (I will not name names. I will not name names. I will not name na— *cough* "Hello Kitty" by Avril Lavigne *cough*). It’s legendary. It's iconic. It's timeless. It's $7 million well spent.

In the vid, the brother-sister duo sing, dance, and float around the different compartments of a spaceship. "Scream" preceded the deluge of early 2000s “futuristic” music videos hit Total Request Liveby five years. It wasn't just ahead of the curve— it WAS the curve. The sleek, monochromatic curve. It's The Future I want to live in. I want to live in this music video.

Here are 9 things from the "Scream" music video I wish were a part of my life:

This magical font

Why the heck isn't the default font on all word processors this transparent metallic bubble letter typeface? WAKE UP, SHEEPLE.

These comfy headphones

I've yet to find a pair of over-the-ear headphones that are comfortable enough to wear while lying down. I think the headphones in the video may very well be the droid I'm looking for.

These soundproof shirts

No, not because my torso needs soundproofing or something. These shirts just look wicked cool, OK?

An endless stash of guitars to smash against the ground

What a great way to blow off some steam at the end of a hard day!

A living space where there is both gravity AND no gravity

Whether you want to float around or chill on a couch, it's totes your call.

Stain resistant stark white furniture

I want to be able to propel myself off of said furniture while wearing boots...

...and not worry about dirtying the couch.

These remote controlls that transform works of art

Sick of this painting?

With a click of a button, it can be this painting:

And don't worry, same goes for sculptures.

Donezo with this?

It can be this:

Or this:

Seriously, this art remote would make redecorating a breeze. Why drive across town to CB2 when you can click a button and BAM! A new canvas portrait of a dog is hanging where that oil painting of some calla lilies used to be.

These theater seats

Wouldn't it be neat-o if every movie theater, theater theater, auditorium, and lecture hall looked like this?

The ability to go #1 while standing up

I want to live in a future where I, a woman, can pee standing up without issue. Like, it'd just be nice to have the option without needing to carry around a special funnel or concentrating really hard on not making a disgusting mess. Sometimes, I don't want to sit on or squat over some nasty toilet seat in a public restroom. Sometimes, I want to keep my distance.

Stop pressuring me/stop pressuring me/stop pressuring me/Make me just wanna pee.

Images: michaeljacksonVEVO/YouTube (16)