13 New TLC Reality Shows Ranked, Because This Network Never Fails To Entertain
As if I don't already watch enough reality TV, TLC is going to be debuting a crop of new shows this season. I'm hesitant to judge a book by its cover, especially since we all know the mystical powers of TLC to lure you, unsuspectingly, into loving shows with ridiculous premises (Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, anyone?). However, some of these shows sound just a tad ridiculous so let's take a look at these new TLC reality shows ranked in order from the ones we're most likely watch to the one's we're least likely to check out.
TLC President, Marjorie Kaplan, stated that TLC’s mission this year is "to find the relatable in the extraordinary, the heart in the unfamiliar, the quiet connection in a hectic world. This year, we dig deeper into our brand to deliver to deliver bigger moments and remarkable people that make our network a destination for millions of viewers." TLC is attempting to do this with its gaggle of new shows airing in the 2015-2016 television season.
In my years as a TLC fan, I've learned that the only thing The Learning Channel teaches me is that I shouldn't watch TLC if I want to learn anything. However, TLC never fails to entertain me and it looks like these new shows won't be any exception. Let's take a look at TLC's 13 brand new shows, ranked in order from the ones I'll most likely watch to the ones I'm least likely to follow.
1. Brides Gone Styled
Brides Gone Styled – New series, 2Q 2015What happens when a fashion victim’s bad taste threatens to ruin one of the biggest days of her life… her wedding day? In this exciting bridal makeover series, style experts Gretta Monahan and Robert Verdi have made it their mission to take the worst of the worst dressed brides and transform them into the most stunning brides imaginable, leaving their family and friends speechless! (Half Yard Productions)
It was an extreme struggle to not rank all of the wedding shows as number one but I showed some restraint. However, Brides Gone Styled was a shoo-in for that number one spot. Combining everything we loved about What Not to Wear and Say Yes to the Dress, Brides Gone Styled will delight us with tacky brides. As in, we know this is supposed to be the happiest day of your life but your style is crap and here's a camera crew that's going to follow you around to document your bad style and then hopefully your stylists can make you not-so-embarrassing for your big day. I see no way in which this show could possibly be bad.
2. Extreme Dream Weddings
Extreme Dream Weddings (working title) – New special, 3Q 2015Extreme Dream Weddings follows three brides experiencing their most mind-blowing fantasy weddings in some of the unique, most extreme terrains on Earth. It’s each bride’s shot at a made- to-fit fairytale wedding. (Discovery Studios)
Extreme Dream Weddings sounds amazing. I have all these visions of watching people get married as they summit Everest or after they have jumped out of a plane. I have high hopes for this one. I'm crossing my fingers this will essentially be TLC's wedding version of Fear Factor.
Quinceañera (working title) – New series, 3Q 2015Cousins Alexis and Jarling are Miami’s premiere Quinceañera party planners and dress shop owners servicing Latin American families as they celebrate their teenager’s transition into womanhood. From the cultural traditions of finding the perfect dress and the father daughter dance to the new American traditions of shooting music videos and mid-party outfit changes – the cousins are constantly working their magic to create memories that will last a lifetime. (High Noon Entertainment)
I'm essentially imagining the extravagance level of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding but with spoiled, fifteen-year-old Latina girls. Maybe this show will finally fill the void left in my heart by My Super Sweet Sixteen going off the air.
4. Marriage Pact
Marriage Pact (working title) – New series, 3Q 2015 It’s a cold hard fact that 50% of all marriages in the US result in divorce. It seems that you can boil down what most people deem the best foundation for wedded bliss into two things: compatibility or chemistry. In this new social experiment, we’ll put to the test if the best marriage success comes from marrying your best friend or friend with benefits. (Magical Elves Inc.)
So you are telling me that marriage pacts between friends are a real thing? I mean, sure, I don't doubt that people make these marriage pacts but does anyone actually follow through? I am a little more than skeptical that these marriages won't be a total sham BUT I am confident that whether these marriages are legit or not, TLC will surely entertain with this one.
5. Dare to Wear
Dare to Wear – New series, 2Q 2015 Some people get locked into one sense of fashion so strongly that they identify with only one look. In every episode, host and style expert Tai Beauchamp guides two extreme fashion disasters on total opposite sides of the style spectrum. After being shocked to learn that they have to swap clothing, these women will spend time living in one another’s look and then, with new found understanding, branch out to leave their comfort zone for a head to toe transformation. (Shed Media US)
Take the premise of the show Wife Swap, water down the commitment level, and add a dash of fashion and you've got Dare to Wear. I can only imagine the poor fashion-challenged souls who will be suckered into this show and forced to wear the wardrobe of someone whose style they absolutely despise. I'm already trying to prepare myself for all the strangely-dressed contestants that TLC will procure for this show.
#SaveMyStyle (working title) – New series, 3Q 2015 You’ve seen them on Facebook and Instagram – photos of friends who really shouldn’t be wearing that outfit! But finally there’s someone who can help. Celebrity stylist June Ambrose simply can’t resist bringing her distinctive styling skills to the people who reach out through her active online community. On each episode of #SaveMyStyle, June scours her social universe for a person in need of a fashion overhaul, then changes their lives forever by helping them to discover their best personal style. (Haymaker Content)
It's basically a given that any show that begins with a hashtag is going to be terrible and, therefore, I will love it. #SaveMyStyle seems to be no exception to that rule. Furthermore, #SaveMyStyle will allow me to live vicariously through June Ambrose as she calls people out for their bad style as I relive all the times I have repressed making fun of someone's outfit on social media.
7. 3 Dates, 1 Soul Mate
3 Bad Dates, 1 Soul Mate (working title) – New special, 3Q 2015 Each episode recreates the dating misadventures of two women whose love lives play out like Hollywood rom coms, and retells each of their three dating disasters with three very different guys. Despite these seemingly doomed dates, our self-confessed Bridget Jones’ ends up marrying one of these men. (October Films)
I've read through the premise of this show like four times and I still don't really understand what's going on here. All I know is, I saw "each episode recreates..." and I was sold. If you haven't seen I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant, you might not know this but TLC's staged recreations are hilarious. This show is sure to be a gem, if only for the reenactments of these 'dating misadventures.' Let the bad acting begin!
8. Swipe Right
Swipe Right (working title) – New series, 3Q 2015 Today’s dating world has moved beyond the boy next door, the guy at the end of the bar and the friendly set-up. Dating has gone digital by scrolling through hundreds of online photos and ‘swiping’ to show your interest. Hosted by Clinton Kelly and Devyn Simone, Swipe Right is the groundbreaking new series that brings the traditional makeover show up to date by transforming not only the wardrobe and attitude of our contributors but their entire social media profile. (Jane Street Ent.)
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read correctly. Clinton Kelly is coming back to TLC for What Not to Wear in Your Tinder Picture aka Swipe Right! I will give Clinton props for his fashion skills but what are Clinton's qualifications that deem him worthy of tinkering with someone's social media profiles? Also I find it hard to believe that this is the show that got Clinton to return to TLC. I am skeptical of this one but I am confident I will have many giggles at the show's expense.
9. Hardly Royal
Hardly Royal (working title) – New series, 3Q 2015
Maryland native David Drew has a story we all dream about. Several years ago, after some web surfing, this blue-collar car repair advisor discovered that he descends from a long line of British royalty. David’s discovery confirmed that he is heir and rightful King of the Isle of Mann in the United Kingdom, and now it’s time for him and his family to see if they can not only claim his throne, but also the acceptance of both aristocrats and locals. (MAK Pictures)
For all of you who have begun to abandon your Princess Diaries-inspired dreams as you've matured, I urge you not to give up hope yet! As Maryand native David Drew has proven, your royal dreams could still come true. The premise of Hardly Royal is pretty interesting but this David Drew guy, or should I say, King David of the Isle of Mann, better be pretty entertaining or this show will fall flat.
10. I Got You Babies
I Got You Babies (working title) – New series, 1Q 2016 We’ll follow four unique sets of parents over the course of a year as they tackle the ups and downs of being first time parents. (Magilla & Drew Barrymore and Nancy Juvonen’s Flower Films)
This one sounds like a huge snooze fest. Isn't this the point of most baby shows on TV? Let's follow around the new parents and show how tiring but fulfilling it is to be a parent? Not your most creative, TLC.
11. Untitled 3Ball Weight Loss Show
Untitled 3Ball Weight Loss Show – New series, 1Q 2016 In each self-contained hour we’ll follow an obese person on the transformation journey of a lifetime. Their journey starts with a declaration: they will go to the object of their affection, declare their romantic intentions, and admit they want to ask them out. But not right now, in 90 days. Our hero promises to make some huge changes in their life – and after they do, they’ll come back to meet their crush – completely transformed. (3Ball Productions).
The show hasn't even begun yet and I'm already cringing of second-hand embarrassment. The premise of these shows seems like it's just setting its contestants up to be humiliated.
12. Married By Mom and Dad
Married by Mom and Dad (working title) – New series, 4Q 2015 In this new social experiment, men and women who have been unlucky in love have agreed to put their love lives and their futures in the hands of the people who know them best: their parents. Once their parents pick their perfect match they’ll tie the knot to find out if being married by mom and dad leads to happily ever after…or not. (Thinkfactory Media)
Because, you know, with a 50% divorce rate in our country, why not do some "experimental" marriages for TV?! This also seems a little regressive. Like, hey women, I know you're striving for gender equality, buuuut, just for fun, let's do a throwback to the days when females had to forgo their right to choose their spouse and were instead treated like property that is passed from one man to another! Won't that be fun? (No.)
13. Long Lost Family
Long Lost Family – New series, 1Q 2015 This series helps people reunite with the family, friends, or loved ones they’ve desperately been seeking. (Shed Media)
This one is last only because I would surely be unable to watch this show without sobbing uncontrollably through it all.