Toby Sheldon's Justin Bieber Plastic Surgery is The Worst Thing, Maybe Ever
Oh god, it hurts my brain, but let's just get the "facts" out of the way: a 33-year-old, supposedly grown-ass man has decided that a great life decision would be to get plastic surgery ($100,000 worth over the course of 5 years, natch/vomit) to look like 19-year-old Justin Bieber. Because there's no way that plan could go awry at all!
Toby Sheldon is allegedly a struggling singer-songwriter in Los Angeles. Which is great, because of course he is. He wants to be famous, so much so that he got a doctor to put the pre-fabricated cart waaaaay before the horse. But Sheldon's desire for fame and success is strong, so he did what any totally rational human being would do: turned his face into a vaguely reminiscent homage to Justin Bieber, perpetual asshat and alleged singerperson.
Because everybody knows that the way to make it in a creative, talent-based industry is to not spend money and time on lessons, or recording, or classes, or networking, or performing, or you know, generally trying to create and cultivate the best of yourself in song, but rather plastic surgery. Hooray Hollywood! Teaching the best of life's lessons since forever.
It's like I Want a Famous Face all over again. You remember that show, don't you? The 2004 MTV classic that only aired for one season's worth of episodes, but documented the sad, sad, sad, sad, sad lives of people who are just so insecure and upset about the way they look that they'd undergo permanent disfigurement and play proportional roulette in order to achieve something that's unnaturally theirs: plastic and silicone features that (hopefully) vaguely mimic the look of someone else. America is land of the free, home of the brave for a reason.
But imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, right? To which I say: The only people who actually believe that are shell humans with a self-awareness level of approximately -257. But, you see, as this MySpace page leads us to believe, he really probably only needed the surgery to ensure his megasuperüberstardom, since his songs from 2008 point to a true musical savant:
But who am I to judge? Sheldon just really beliebs in himself, if you know what I mean hahahaaaaetuihscjbitysdjfhaki. Excuse me while I go throw myself into the Nile and hopefully get eaten alive by a hoard of particularly persnickety piranhas.
Image: The Sun